Gorgon Zolo: Ace Attorney
by Amaxing
Summary: Roronoa Zolo... he's strong, he's skilled, he's... an attorney? Dramatic, thrilling, and comical court proceedings are sure to follow!
1. Novice Turnabout

Disclaimer: I know nothing. I understand nothing. I own nothing.

7/23 Lotipac Hill courthouse, 9:30 am

A broad-bodied judge entered the courtroom, took his seat, and looked down on the room's occupents. He banged his gavel on that thingy that you bang gavels on so as to not ruin the woodwork. "ORDER! ORDER!" The jury, defense, and prosecution (in essence, everyone in the room) quieted down. "The trial of Mr. Sling Shot will now begin! If the prosecution will make its opening statement…."

_Yeah. Odd place to find the Straw Hats huh? My name is Roronoa Zoro, and, through an odd set of circumstances, I've become a defense attorney for my friend, Usopp._

Flashback

"WHAT????" screamed Zoro. "Why do _I_ have to represent him??"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH WEIRD ENOUGH HAIR TO BE AN ATTORNEY!!!!" yelled back Luffy.

Zoro looked over at Franky and Brook, then back at Luffy. _Whatever_. He thought, and accepted.

_Yeah. Anyway, the case seems pretty straightforward… but not in a good way. The victim, one Casaubon Crypt, was found dead in his room, killed by a single shot through the occipital lobe (Chopper helped me with that one). The only gun within a mile of the scene that had been fired recently was found on a roof nearby and the only fingerprints on it? Usopp's. Now, you know as well as I do that Usopp isn't exactly the murdering kind. Normally, we probably would have just bust him out of jail and fled, but the citizens of Lotipac Hill (the island we're on) are decent people, and Luffy didn't want to see any of them hurt. So here I am, in a courtroom with no previous law experience, defending my friend in an unwinnable trial and_

"ZORO!! STOP DAYDREAMING AND LISTEN TO THE OPENING STATEMENT!!!!" screamed Nami.

…_and an incredibly annoying woman at my side, supposedly 'helping' me. Yeah. Should be interesting._

"Mr. William Laws?" asked the Judge. "Are you ready to make your opening statement."

"Please, no 'William' your honor" replied the slick, blue-haired prosecutor "I'm just a Bill!"

"Very well then…. Bill…. Do you care to make your statement?"

"Yes, your honor." (Deep breath for dramatic pause) "The autopsy report clearly states that Mr. Crypt was killed by a single shot through the occipital lobe. Furthermore, the murder weapon (present weapon as evidence) was found on the roof of a nearby building. On top of that the defendant, in addition to having no alibi for the time of the murder, has shown, i.e. his 'public shooting exhibition' yesterday (Zoro glares at Usopp, Usopp sweatdrops) that he is a skilled sniper, capable of shooting a hole through the center of a gold piece at nearly a thousand paces!" (Slams the table) "Ergo! Mr. Shot is the ONLY MAN who had the means, and through the means, the opportunity, to kill Mr. Crypt!"

The crowd broke into a murmur. Zoro leaned over to Nami. "This doesn't look good…."

"Oh hush, you'll be fine" whispered Nami.

"This is stupid! I don't know what I'm doing and…

"Zoro, we didn't just pick you because of your hair."

"Huh?"

"We picked you because, well, you have this knack for telling when a person is lying or not. Not as much as Luffy, but we needed someone slightly intelligent too."

"AND????"

"And… they don't allow women to be lawyers."

"DAMNED 13th CENTURY SEXISM!!!"

"ZORO! Focus, you'll do fine."

"Right…"

The judged banged his gavel again. "ORDER! Mr…. Gorgon Zolo? Is that right?"

"Yes your honor" replied Zoro, hesitantly.

"Are you related to that pirate hunter in any way?"

"Only in America your honor."

"Yes… very well. Do you have any requests before we begin the trial?"

"Um… no.." Zoro added hesitantly.

"Ask to see the evidence!" whispered Nami hurriedly.

"I'd like to see the evidence that the prosecution presented before we begin."

"Very well then" said the Judge. "Mr. Laws?"

"Yes your honor."

Evidence

Crypt's Autopsy report: Died around noon. Cause of death: single shot through the occipital lobe, from not farther than five feet. Death was instantaneous.

Revolver: Found on rooftop near crime scene. Fired several times. Ballistic markings match those of bullet found in Mr. Crypt.

Usopp's Flyer: 'Come see the Amazing _Sling Shot_ perform shooting ticks the likes of which you've never seen!' It has a picture of Usopp holding a gun on it. Time of show: 10:00-11:00 am.

"Yes I see…" said Zoro, musing. _Something seems… missing here. Maybe it's just me…_

The judge banged his gavel again. "The prosecution will now present its first witness."

"My _only_ witness, as it were, your honor" remarked Prosecutor Laws.

"Very well then, continue."

'Bill' cleared his throat. "The court calls Sheriff Corde Marshall to the stand!"

A stereotypical sheriff took the stand. Broad shouldered, fuzz on his face, an awkward, western-looking hat propped on his head.

"Mr. Marshall" asked Laws "you are the sheriff in charge of Cecil district, correct?"

"Ayup" the man answered curtly.

"And you are also the man who found the body?"

"Ayup."

"And you are also the man who did the preliminary investigation, and found the revolver on the rooftop adjacent to Mr. Crypt's apartment?"

"Ayup."

Prosecutor Laws grinned. "What other witnesses do I need your honor?"

**HOLD IT!**

"YOUR HONOR!" yelled Zoro "DOESN'T THAT ALL SEEM A BIT…convenient?"

**OBJECTION!**

"How convenient the witness is has no bearing on the case at hand, your honor!" snapped Laws.

"Yes… very well" the judge mumbled. "Objection sustained. You may proceed with your testimony, Mr. Marshall."

"Ayup."

"It was around noon… I was dropping by Mr. Crypt's house to invite him to lunch."

"I knocked….oh… maybe three times… but I didn't hear anything."

"Concerned, I broke down the door!"

"I found Mr. Crypt lying on the floor next to the window, which was cracked open.

"Seeing how the door was locked, I immediately concluded that the shot came from an adjacent roof!"

"That when I found the revolver! The rest is, well, history, I reckon."

"Yes, that does seem like a pretty solid testimony" mused the judge. "I could very well declare a verdict right now…"

**OBJECTION!!!**

"Hold it!" cried Zoro "There's a _contradiction_ in that statement!"

The court murmured.

"Yes Mr. Zolo?"

"The witness has made two claims! One: He was near the area at the time of the murder, and Two: That he didn't _hear anything!_"

"Yes Mr. Zolo, the witness has made that clear…"

"BUT THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE YOUR HONOR!!!"

Court murmured again.

"Continue Mr. Zolo!"

"The victim, Casaubon Crypt, was _shot_ your honor! Guns make a noise when they are fired! If Mr. Marshall was near the area…"

"WHY DIDN'T HE HEAR THE SHOT!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?"

The crowd grew restless.

BANG BANG BANG

"Order! I will have order!" "Mr. Marshall, how do you explain yourself?"

"Simply, your honor." Dramatic pause. "The gun… has a _silencer_ on it."

"Wha… wha…" stuttered Zoro. "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?" "There's no silencer on the gun!?!"

"Yeah, well, we had to take it off, for fingerprints 'n such."

_Well that would explain….. wait a second!_ Thought Zoro.

**HOLD IT!**

"THAT'S IT!!!!!" yelled Zoro.

"What's it, who's it, where's it?" mocked Laws.

"Your honor" Zoro went on "the prosecution has stated my client's sniping skills and the position of the gun… BUT! HE HAS YET TO SHOWN ANY PROOF THAT MR. SHOT HANDLED THE GUN!!!!!"

Crowd goes crazy, etc.

BANG BANG BANG!! "ORDER! ORDER!!!"

"Evidence…" the Sheriff muttered, going through his pockets… "You mean like this?" He held up a slip of paper.

"What… is that, Mr. Marshall?" asked the judge.

"Fingerprint report. Prints on the gun matched those of the perp, perfectly."

_What the…. CRAP!!_ Zoro pounded his head on the desk.

Fingerprint report: Many fingerprints found on both gun and silencer. All discernable prints matched those of Mr. Shot.

"Any other outbursts, Mr. Zolo?" asked Laws.

"erm… yes… well…" stuttered Zoro "theres…. NO WAY TO PROVE THAT MR. CRYPT WAS SHOT BY THAT GUN!!!"

"Nope, sorry pardner." The sheriff pulled out another piece of paper. "Ballistics report, bullet inside Mr. Crypt matched the markings on the gun."

_DOUBLE CRAP!!!!_

Ballistics report: Single bullet retrieved from the body. Ballistics markings traced to revolver on adjacent roof.

"Your honor" Laws spoke "the defense's cross-examination has only made the case against Mr. Shot more airtight! I request a verdict be passed NOW your honor!"

_Double crap on a wrap!!! I've got nothing!!!!_

"If the defense has nothing to add…."

_Shit… what do I do, what do I do, what do I do…._

"I find the defendant, Mr. Sling shot….

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

**OBJECTION!!!!**

Judge: Who? Laws: Who? Zoro: Who?

"I OBJECT YOUR HONOR!!!" yelled Nami.

The volume in the court rose.

"ORDER! ORDER! I WILL HAVE ORDER!!" screamed the Judge. "Young lady, by law, you are not allowed to speak out in this courtroom…"

"I DON'T CARE! HE'S INNOCENT!"

"QUIET DOWN! OR YOU WILL BE HELD IN CONTEMPT OF COURT!" yelled the Judge.

"LOOK AT THE…."

"BAILIFF!!! REMOVE THE TANGERINE HAIR FROM COURT! NOW!!!!"

The bailiff grabbed Nami. There was a struggle, but eventually Nami was thrown out of court.

"Now if I may continue…

**OBJECTION!!!**

Zoro's eyes gleamed. _Hmm… she's useful after all_ he thought.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" yelled Laws.

"Your honor! Look at the flyer!"

"Yes I see… what about it, Zolo?"

"The gun the defendant his holding… IT'S THE SAME GUN AS THE MURDER WEAPON!!!!"

Crowd murmurs again.

"IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR MR. SHOT'S FINGERPRINTS TO _NOT_ BE ON THAT GUN!!!!"

Volume increases… again.

BANG BANG! "ORDER! IF I DO NOT HAVE ORDER, THIS TRIAL WILL BE SUSPENDED!!!" cried the judge.

"YOUR HONOR!" retorted Laws "The defense has sealed his client's fate! He has shown that the gun belongs to Mr. Shot! This simply 'tightens his noose'!"

**OBJECTION!**

"ON THE CONTRARY LAWS!" Zoro whipped "It does the opposite!" I happen to know for a fact that the gun does _not_ belong to Mr. Shot!"

**OBJECTION!**

"THE DEFENSE HAS NO PROOF TO SUPPORT THIS CLAIM, YOUR HONOR!!"

**OBJECTION!**

"WRONG AGAIN LAWS!" Zoro held up a slip of paper. "This here is a written bond Mr. Shot filled out with the police department! (A/N: Don't you love it when the author holds out evidence from you?)

Bond, Written Bond: 'The police department of the district of Cecil of the island of Lotipac hereby lends Mr. Sling Shot one police-issue revolver for use in his 'shooting show' and expect immediate return of aforementioned revolver after the show is complete.'

"The gun did not belong to Mr. Shot at all!" quipped Zoro.

"IT BELONGED TO THE POLICE DEPARTMENT!!!"

Crowd goes out of control.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG…………………

"Ahem." The judge cleared his throat. "Now that we finally have order, I would like to address the defense."

"Yes, your honor?"

"You've found that the gun belongs to the police department… so what?"

"It's simple, your honor. The bond calls for 'immediate return' of the weapon after the show was complete. Therefore, the gun was out of Mr. Shot's hands _before _the murder ever happened!"

"So it would appear…"

**OBJECTION!**

"Your honor, may I ask you something?" Bill asked, slyly.

_Uh oh…_

"Tell me, have you ever heard of the police department _freely lending_ their weapons to random passers by?"

"Umm…" thought the judge. "Well, no, that does seem a bit silly, yes."

"Then, your honor, the truth is clear." Prosecutor Laws cleared his throat.

"THIS EVIDENCE IS A SHAM!!!!!!"

Crowd explodes again.

BANG! "Order!" "Mr. Zolo, do you have an explanation for this?"

_Come to think of it… that does seem a bit odd… _why_ would the police so freely lend Usopp that weapon? Gah! It doesn't make sense! I'm sorry Usopp…._

Flashback

"WHAT?? _YOU'RE _GOING TO DEFEND ME IN COURT?" cried Usopp.

"Yeah, scary huh?" said Zoro, chuckling.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" yelled Usopp from behind the detention center glass. "I COULD _HANG_ FOR THIS ZORO!! _HANG!!!!!_

"Yeah, well, sorry, but I'm your lawyer."

"I guess I can live with that…."

"Right then, later." Zoro turned to leave.

"WAIT! ZORO!"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I'm innocent, you know that, right?"

"Well, yeah, I can't picture you killing _anyone_."

"Then you won't give up on me, right? You'll fight it to the end, like a man, right?

"Well… yeah, of course."

"Thanks…"

Zoro turned to leave again.

"I've…. Always looked up to you."

"WHAT?"

"As a real warrior of the sea, you know? Even with all my creativity… I could never think up the kind of things you've done."

"Erm… thanks." Zoro laughed. "If only _you_ were the lawyer, your creativity could probably fool the judge into believing anything!"

End flashback.

_Usopp… I'll get you out of this! Think creatively… why would the police lend a weapon so freely? That doesn't make sense!_

"Your honor" began Laws. "The defense has been reduced to muttering to himself. Clearly there is no explanation for why the police would willingly lend a weapon to a newcomer to the island! THE EVIDENCE IS CLEARLY FALSIFYED!!!

**OBJECTION!**

_This is crazy but… _"Mr. Marshall! Which district did you say you were sheriff of again?"

"Unh… what?" He had fallen asleep at the stand. "Erm… Cecil district… why?"

"So your saying that your district…."

"IS THE SAME ONE THAT LENT MR. SHOT THE GUN?!?"

**OBJECTION!**

"Your honor! We have already determined that the evidence in question was falsified!"

**OBJECTION!**

"The validity of the evidence is exactly what I'm trying to prove here your honor!"

"The judge blinked, thinking for a minute. "Objection… sustained."

Laws sweat dropped. "Urk…."

"Picture this!" Zoro went on. "Mr. Marshall, seeing a stranger in town in need of a gun, lends the gun to Mr. Shot, so that his fingerprints would be found on the weapon! Then…"

**OBJECTION!**

"You're not saying what I think you're saying…" said Laws.

"I am, Laws!" Zoro snapped, confidently. "The murderer in this case…"

"WAS NONE OTHER THAN MR. MARSHALL!!!!!"

Mr. Marshall did a double-take. "Whaaaat?"

BANG BANG! "MR. ZOLO! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

"Don't you see, your honor? Mr. Marshall found the body! Mr. Marshall investigated the scene, and found the weapon. MR. MARSHALL arrested Mr. Shot, even before any direct connection was established!" Zoro banged the table. "IT ALL SEEMS A LITTLE TOO NEAT TO ME!" He pointed accusingly at Mr. Marshall. "IF THE WITNESS IS INNOCENT, HE WON'T HAVE A PROBLEM TESTIFYING AGAIN!"

The judge nodded. "Mr. Marshall, you will testify again."

"Erm… about what?" asked the sheriff, seemingly confused.

"Erm… Mr. Zolo?" asked the judge, definitely confused.

"Erm… about… why he arrested my client before there was a definite connection… yeah!"

"Very well" nodded the judge. "Mr. Marshall? Your testimony."

"Fine…"

"The reason for arrest, well that was easy!"

"From what I saw at the scene of the crime, the only way Mr. Crypt could have been shot was through the window!"

"The window was only cracked a little bit, maybe an inch or two."

"Whoever shot Mr. Crypt must have been an expert marksman!"

"When I found the gun on the roof, I remembered the fancy shootin' guy's flyer!

"That's why I arrested him!"

"You see your honor?" grinned Laws. "There was every reason to expect the defendant!"

**OBJECTION!**

"Why am I not surprised…" muttered Laws.

"Your honor, doesn't the witnesses actions seem a bit… odd?"

"How so?" asked the judge.

"Why would the sheriff, upon seeing a man dead at his feet, automatically assume the most complicated explanation, that he had been shot expertly through a window, open only a crack, and bearing no visible marks of a bullet passing through it? WOULDN'T IT BE EASIER TO ASSUME THAT THE MURDERER SIMPLY SHOT MR. CRYPT AND LEFT, LOCKING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM?"

"NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE!" yelled the Sheriff. "I TOLD YOU I _KNEW_ THAT IT HAD TO BE FROM THAT FAR AWAY!"

"WELL THEN MR. MARSHALL?" accused Zoro. "HOW DID YOU _KNOW?_"

"I've been on the force for _years,_ I could tell from the wound! The shot had to have been from at least twenty-five feet away!"

**OBJECTION!**

"That's a blatant LIE your honor!" accused Zoro. "The autopsy report clearly states that the shot was fired 'not farther than five feet.' "If Mr. Marshall could tell simply looking at the wound, as he claimed…"

"HE WOULD HAVE IMMEDIATELY RULED OUT THE ADJACENT ROOFTOP!"

Crowd goes crazy, first time in a while, I think.

BANG! BANG! "ORDER! I WILL HAVE ORDER! Mr. Marshall, explain yourself!"

"Yes…well…" the sheriff stuttered. "Perhaps _that_ wound was indiscernible… but I clearly saw another wound that had to have been from more than twenty-five feet away!"

**OBJECTION!**

"Another LIE your honor! The autopsy report clearly states that the victim died from a _single shot!_ I'm surprised you forgot this, Mr. Marshall, seeing as you're the one who investigated the scene!"

"Yes… but….but…. FINGERPRINTS! Mr. Shot's fingerprints were on the revolver! He must have done it!"

**OBJECTION!**

"NOT SO! We have confirmed that the defendant used the weapon as part of a show, of course his prints would be on it! ALSO! There were several other prints found on the gun that, while indiscernible, were _not necessarily_ Mr. Shot's! I suspect that their smudges, Mr. Marshall…

"SMUDGES OF _YOUR_ FINGERPRINTS, WHEN YOU WIPED THEM OFF AFTER YOU KILLED MR. CRPYT!!!!"

Marshall trembled with anger. Veins popped out of his head. "grrrr……. SHUT UP!!!! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!! I…. never…no…. didn't…. mean…. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!" The sheriff smacked his head on the stand and collapsed, unconscious.

……………………………………………………………………..

"Well… that… was interesting" said the Judge. "Mr. Laws, the witness?"

"He's… been taken in for questioning, your honor" Laws admitted, head down.

The bailiff rushed in. "Your honor! The sheriff! He's muttering to himself, unconscious! It looks like he did it after all!"

"Well…erm…yes… that give quite a convenient closure to this case, does it not?"

"I would say so, your honor" remarked Laws.

"Very well then. I find the defendant, Mr. Sling Shot….

**NOT GUILTY**

Crowd goes wild!

"That is all! This court is adjourned!"

Defendant lobby: 11:30 am

_Wow…. I… did it! I won!_

"Zoro!" cried a familiar voice.

"Nami!"

"You were great in there, you idiot!"

"Ah heck, I couldn't have done it without you."

"What? Are you… admitting I helped you?" Nami asked, puzzled. "That's… a bit out of character for you, isn't it?"

"Yeah" Zoro admitted "So is being a defense attorney, and look what happened.

"ZORO!" yelled another familiar voice.

"Usopp!" yelled Nami.

"YOU DID IT MAN! YOU SAVED ME! I'M FREEEEEEEEE!" He struck a pose. "I mean, of course I'm free, I'm the Great Captain Usopp! My underlings, such as you, have to be at least half as great as I am!"

"Right… keeeeeep telling yourself that man…"

"This calls for a celebration!" yelled Nami. "Free grog, on me!"

"You know, there are sometimes I don't hate you" said Zoro.

"I'll take that as a compliment" Nami replied, walking out the door.

_Yeah. That's how it happened. Who woulda thought it, right? My being an attorney, getting along with Nami, not swearing badly for an entire chapter of a story. I dunno. As unnatural as it seems… I could get used to this._

End.

Yup. That's how it happened. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it myself. Write lots of reviews…or I'll sue! Lol! (Not really)


	2. Turnabout Brothers

Disclaimer: Yeah. Making up original disclaimers…. Its harder than making up these stories, really. I don't own anything in this fic. Except the OCs. But that goes without saying.

Lotipac Hill. 7/31. 12:15 am.

The police squadron burst open the door to the house. The scene was gruesome. A man lay on his own floor, stabbed multiple times. The murder weapon was found quickly, traced immediately back to the only other person in the house at the time. They had gotten there quickly; the killer had not escaped.

"Let me go! I'm innocent! INNOCENT!"

The officer slammed the young man to the ground, locking his arms in cuffs. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney…." Etcetera.

"I want…" the boy struggled to say as the police manhandled him away "Gorgon…. Zolo…."

Thousand Suns. 7/31. 12:15 pm.

"YAAAAAAWN!!!"

_Aw boy_ thought Zoro _I really overdid it this time… argh… how long was I out?_

"Four whole days."

_What the… who?_

"Heya Zoro!" said a cheery navigator.

_Damn it… why?_

"That's not very nice, now is it Zoro?"

"Stop doing that! When it's italicized it's my thoughts. MY THOUGHTS!!!

"First of all. Your not an Italian, Zoro, Sorry. And second of all, I'm not reading your mind, it's just, well, you're a bit predictable.

_Am not!_

"Are too."

_Damn it!_

"You did so well four days ago, can we go without swearing?"

"ARGH!!!" Zoro flung himself up from his slumped positions on the deck of the Thousand Suns. He glared at Nami. "STOP. DOING. THAT."

"You can't make me…. you can't make me…." Nami sang in a singsong voice (though, honestly, what other kind of voice do you sing in?).

Zoro sighed. It was going to be a bad day. "Could you please, try and make yourself useful… tell me when we get off this island."

"We could go right now if you wanted."

"Then… why don't we?"

Silence.

_Why do I sense that I'm not going to like what comes next?_

"Um… it's just…"

"Yeah?"

"Someone on the island… requested your… services, last night."

"Reword. Please. There are perverts nearby." Around the corner, Sanji stood up straight, began to whistle, and walked innocently back towards the galley.

"He wants you to defend him in court…"

Zoro's jaw dropped. "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?"

Lotipac Hill Detention Center. 7/31. 12:30 pm.

The guard brought in the accused. He was a young man, early twenties, tall, lanky, blonde hair that looked like a wet mop atop his head. It was his eyes that were the most striking detail about him; they were pale yellow, the color of lemonade, but the artificial kind that is more yellow than it would be if you just squeezed lemons and added sugar. (Note to self: Stop getting so caught up in descriptions.)

The man spoke in an even, almost soothing voice. "You came. I was afraid you wouldn't."

"So was I, pal" said Nami, eying Zoro. "So was I."

_What? It's not like I'm a real lawyer or anything…_

"Now, before you think I'm misinformed" the man began "I know that you're not a real lawyer."

_Crap! Him too?_

"It's just. The trial four days ago left such an impression on me… the way you stared down that witness until he cracked… I knew I'd have to have you if I could!"

Zoro smiled inwardly. Recognition felt good. "Well, like you said, I'm not a real lawyer" he remarked, "I'm not exactly tied up with other cases."

"Yes… I suppose so…" the man mused.

"Right!" said Nami, making the two men jump. "We'd best start off with introductions then. I'm Reno Tangy, and this is the master of interrogation, Gorgon Zolo!"

_An alias I will never not regret creating._

"You are?"

"Nathan…. Nathan Amarillo."

"Pleased to meetcha Nate!" Nami said enthusiastically.

"It's… Nathan…"

Nami slumped dramatically. "Aw… you're no fun."

"Riiiight…" said Zoro warily. "Mr. Amarillo, can you tell us what happened?"

"What happened when?"

"Well, that's the thing… I don't really know why you called us here…"

"Hm? Oh!" Nathan reeled back. "I suppose I haven't made that clear, have I? I'm a suspect in a murder case."

"Oh. Wait, WHAAT?!" Nami jumped. "MURDER? How can you be so nonchalant about that!?"

"Well, because I'm innocent."

"YEAH, BUT…"

"It's a guy thing Na…erm…Reno, you wouldn't understand."

"HMPH!" Nami pouted.

"So, Nathan, can you tell us about the day of the murder?"

"Getting right down to business, eh?" Nathan grinned. "Good, exactly what I'm paying you for."

"Wait… I'm being paid?" Zoro asked.

"Well…." Nathan mused. "I suppose I don't _have _to pay you, but…"

"NO, REALLY, THAT'S OK!!!" Zoro added quickly. _Finally! I can pay off that debt to the witch-woman!!!_

"NAMI-SAN!!!!……IS NOT!!!!…… A WITCH!!!…..WOMAN!!!!" came a voice from far away.

_Double crap! Sanji too????_

"RIGHT!" yelled Amarillo, pulling Zoro out of his thoughts and Nami out of her pouting, "The day of the murder, of course."

"You see, I work as a servant at Cervantes manor, on the east side of town. Well more than a servant, I'm the head servant really. The three brothers, Masseurs Mercutio, Benvolio, and Dante, have really taken me under their wing as part of the family."

"On the night of the murder, Mr. Mercutio paged me in the middle of the night. He told me to wait for him in the foyer. That was around midnight. At about 12:15, the police burst in to the foyer, slammed me down on the floor, read me my rights, and dragged me down here. I only found out this morning that a witness had called in, claiming they had seen me kill Mr. Mercutio!"

"But… if you didn't do it" Nami began "then they can't have evidence against you, can they?"

"Makes sense, except… well… there's _tons_ of evidence against me. On top of that, I was the only other one in the house that night!"

"Well that…" ventured Zoro "is reassuring."

Nami smacked him. "ZORO! THIS IS SERIOUS! THERE'S NO TIME FOR YOUR ILL-FLAVORED HUMOR!!!!

_But there's time for your ill-timed outbursts?_

"Can you tell us more about the people you work for?" asked Nami.

"The Cervantes brothers are geniuses, each in their own right. They could all afford a house as large as Cervantes manor on their own, but they live together because of how close-knit their family is."

"You don't see that much anymore these days…" commented Zoro.

"Mercutio Cervantes is head of a huge factory on the island that provides munitions for the world government. If you've ever been shot, there's a ninety-percent chance you have him to thank for it!"

_Well he certainly makes my _real_ job easier…_

"Benvolio Cervantes is a restaurant tycoon. He owns nearly every restaurant on the island, as well as more than a hundred smaller diners and bars abroad! He's also a devoted philanthropist, he gives away nearly fifty million berries a year!"

"Fif-fifty million?!?!!" Nami's eyes became dollar signs. "Does that mean you get paid… y'know… a lot?"

Silence.

"Never mind…"

"The last one, Dante, is an ex-bounty hunter. He struck it rich when he reeled in one of the former Yankou about ten or twelve years ago. He spends his time writing now, somewhat successfully actually, his book just the Lotipac top ten!"

"What's the title of his book?" asked Nami, excitedly.

"The Demon:" (pause for dramatic effect) "the epic true story of a man's struggle against evil!"

Zoro sweat dropped. _Talk about your melodrama…_

"So you were alone on the day of the murder?" prompted Nami.

"As far as I know… I'm the only servant that lives in the house you see. The other brothers were… out… somewhere… I'm not sure where."

"Zoro! We should probably check out that house, there could be some good clues there!" said Nami.

"Can't we have someone else look for clues?" Zoro almost whined. "I'm still kind of hung over from four days ago…"

SPLASH! A rush of water soaked Zoro's head.

"You… brought that with you in case I said that, huh?"

"Yup" said Nami, grinning.

Zoro sighed. "… Let's go…"

End Chapter.

Next stop: Murder Manor! Can't go into court without gathering some evidence, can you?


	3. Cervantes Manor

Disclaimer: All right, we confess. We're actually Oda-Sensei AND Miyamoto. We collaborate together to bring you Amaxing Fan Fiction, Inc! We hope you enjoy this story as much as we do! (Author's note: Good children should not believe me!)

Cervantes Manor. 7/31. 1:00 pm.

The house was huge. _HUGE. _It was at least five floors, maybe one hundred rooms, and was ornately decorated with gold. Painted white and blue, its Russian-style spires dominated the rest of the town, and were the first things that could be seen from sea.

Zoro was not impressed. _It doesn't have a bar in it… what's so great about it?_

"How can you even _think_ that Zoro?!" asked Nami, aghast "can you imagine how much money you could get for selling this thing?"

_What the?? … Never mind…_

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"ACK!" screamed Nami, frightened.

A tall, broad-shouldered man walked up to them. He was gravelly voiced, dressed in slacks, a brown trench coat, and a checkered Sherlock Holmes style hat.

"This is a crime scene!" the man continued, flashing his badge, "if you don't got business here, then GET OUT! We got work to do!"

"Listen you…" began Zoro.

Nami smacked him.

"Ow!"

"We can't pick a fight with the police, moron!"

"But…"

"NO BUTS!"

"Fine…"

"Ahem, hi!" said Nami, putting on her best smile. "We're… Mr. Amarillo's lawyers, we want to find out more about the crime!"

"Sorry, can't tell you anything, police policy" the man replied automatically.

"Aw… pweeeease?" Nami winked, put on a cute face, the whole seduction business.

"Ahem… well" the man blushed. "Ah well…I guess I could…maybe…let you guys in on some things."

"Yays!"

_Yays?_

"All right then!" The man said vigorously. "Come with me!"

Cervantes Kitchen. 7/31. 1:07 pm.

The floor of the kitchen has been mostly cleaned up, but small patches of blood still remained. Tape marked where the body had fallen on the floor, right in front of a window of frosted glass. The kitchen itself was three times the size of a normal one, and all kinds of equipment and cutlery were stored there.

"So… this is where it took place, huh?" asked Zoro.

"Usually" the man remarked, "when you see a body outline, that means that there was a murder there."

"I KNEW THAT!" _Oh…. I get it now._

Out of the corner of his eye, Zoro saw Nami silently take a picture dial from her pocket. He cleared his throat, and the 'snap' went unheard by the investigator.

_That should be useful… maybe._

"So… Mr…"

"Spade!" Spade prompted.

"Mr. Spade" Zoro finished "Umm… is your first name Sam by any chance?"

"No… it's Tracy…"

"Oh, of course, _that's_ not cliche at all..."

"What?"

"Nothing. Anyway, can you tell us… um… about the…"

"You're not good at this, are you?"

"I don't pretend to be."

"Tell us about the arrest!" Nami chimed in.

"Well, at least _somebody_ knows how to do this."

_Damned witch woman…_

"Anyway, here's how it went down! A little after midnight, we received a call from across the street. A woman there claimed to have seen a murder, and it turns out she was right!"

"Can we visit the witness?" asked Zoro, trying to reclaim some respect in the eyes of the detective.

"NO!" the detective yelled, "No influencing the witness!"

"Fine…"

"Anyway, we rushed right over, and we found Mr. Cervantes dead on the floor, a knife lying near him, and blood everywhere! Naturally, we arrested the only other person there, Mr. Nathan Amarillo!"

"Why'd you arrest him?"

"He was the only one there! Not only that, we had decisive evidence proving he did it!"

"What was it?" asked Nami.

"The knife" the detective stated.

Silence.

"Um… what about the knife?" asked Zoro.

"It was Amarillo's knife, and it had his fingerprints all over it!"

"Wouldn't it though, seeing as it's his knife?" questioned Zoro.

"YOU QUESTIONING THE WAY I DO MY INVESTIGATION, BUB?"

"No… of course not…" Luckily, detective Spade could not detect sarcasm.

"So… um… can we see the…" Zoro mumbled "biopsy report?"

"The what?"

"Biopsy… colonoscopy… turvy-topsy… AUTOPSY! THAT'S IT!!!" Zoro yelled triumphantly.

"NO!!!!" Spade yelled dramatically. "Prosecutor Laws said no releasing the autopsy to the general public!"

"But we're lawyers!" protested Nami.

"NO BUTS!"

"But… isn't there anything you can do?" Nami batted her eyebrows.

"Erm…erm… well, I guess I can give you this… Mr. Laws told me I could pretty much just throw it out anyway."

_Gee, thanks._ Detective Spade handed Zoro a piece of paper.

Toxicology report: At time of death, M. Cervantes was found to have 1000 milligrams of abnormally strong narcotic sedatives, causing a retardation in the nervous, muscular, and endocrine systems.

"What…" Nami asked, as she perused the document "What does that _mean?_"

Thousand Suns. 7/31. 1:23 pm.

"Well…" Chopper began "it basically means that he was loopy when he was killed."

"Loopy?" asked Zoro.

"Yeah. He couldn't move his muscles, and couldn't tell what was around him. I guess you could say he was really, really drunk, except on narcotics."

"Oh. That makes perfect sense now. Thanks Chopper!"

"Shut up! It doesn't make you happy when you compliment me! You bastard!" Chopper danced a strange, strange dance.

"Right… so where does that leave us?" asked Zoro.

"We've got a picture of the crime scene… and a useless narcotics report. We have no way of interviewing the witness, no way of seeing any of the evidence, and no clue what's going on. Pardon the melodramatic summary, but it doesn't look good."

"Nonsense! We've gotten out of worse!" said Zoro, half to encourage himself.

"But we have to do it _legally_ this time Zoro…"

"Oh… not good."

"Understatement of the year, Zoro. Understatement of the year."

To be continued….

Trial next! Woo hoo!


	4. OBJECTION!

Disclaimer: I, Amaxing, am the rightful owner of both Phoenix Wright and One Piece.

**OBJECTION!**

"Hold it right there, Amaxing!" cried Zoro "In order for you to own One Piece, your name would have to be _Oda-Sensei!!!_

Amaxing: "Urk…..!"

"ALSO!!! Phoenix Wright is a _NINTENDO_ game!"

Amaxing: Yeah…. so…? SO WHAT?

"Mr. Amaxing…"

"YOU DO NOT OWN NINTENDO!!!!!"

Amaxing: Urgh….ugh…

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Lotipac Hill Courthouse, Defendant's lobby. 8/01. 9:55 AM.

Zoro paced back and forth, his arms wrapped behind his back. Nami sat on a

chair close by, trying not to laugh.

"Zoro…" she began.

"Yeah?" He snapped.

"That suit… it looks ridiculous…"

Zoro looked down at the forest green blazer, robin egg blue dress shirt, neon

yellow tie, and bright crimson pants he had hastily bought the night before.

"Does not." He replied grumpily "It's… a fashion statement! That's what it is…"

"Whatever, pal." Nami said dismissively. "Just stop pacing, you'll make Nathan

nervous when he gets here."

"Too late to stop that I'm afraid, what with being charged with…" Nathan (for indeed, it was he) stopped. He looked over Zoro, then burst out laughing. "AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA…."

"Erm… Mr. Amarillo… it's not that bad, is it?"

"AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA…."

Lotipac Hill Courthouse, Defendant's lobby. 8/01. 10:15 AM.

"AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA…"

"MR. AMARILLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Zoro screamed.

"Erm… um, yes, forgive me, Mr. Zolo. That was rude."

"YOU THINK?"

"Right… you wished to speak to me, yes?"

"That was me." said Nami. "I thought of something else we needed to ask you."

"And?" Amarillo inquired.

"The victim… your master, Mercutio Cervantes… he had two brothers, right?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Well… where are they now?"

"Nathan looked away, all hints of laughter gone. "I… I don't know. They never

returned from wherever they went that night…"

"You mean the night of the murder?" asked Zoro.

"Yes… that's right."

"Do you think maybe one of them did it?" asked Nami, hopefully.

"NO WAY!!" yelled Nathan, defensively. "MY MASTERS WERE SO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER, I'D BE SURPRISED IF THEY BOTH DIDN'T DROP DEAD WHEN MR. MERCUTIO DIED!!!!!"

"That's… pretty close," mused Zoro.

"Anyway, I refuse to believe one of them would kill the other, it's just not

possible."

"I'd have to say you're dead then, Mr. Amarillo," came a voice from the

doorway.

I know that voice… 

"William Laws" said Zoro, and indeed, it was the lanky prosecutor who stood in

the doorway, a smug smile firmly planted on his face. Next to him…

"THANKS A LOT FOR REMEMBERING ME, BUB, _NOT!!!_"

"Detective Spade!" exclaimed Nami.

"At least someone remembered me…" the officer said, blushing.

"Save your breath for the trial, Trace" snapped Laws. "So glad you remembered

me, Mr. Gorgon Zolo, but please, I told you before, I'm just a Bill."

"YEAH!" Spade yelled. "HE'S ONLY A BILL!!"

"AND HE'S SITTING HERE ON LOTIPAC HILL!!" Nami chimed in.

Silence.

"Aw, c'mon!" Nami pleaded. "Can you honestly say you _didn't_ see that

coming?"

"Right…" Laws said, uneasily. "Anyway, I just came to wish you good luck, Mr.

Zolo."

"Oh… um… thanks…" Zoro began.

"Because that's the only way you're going to win." Bill finished.

Silence again.

"Aw c'mon, you got to admit, that was a good one!" Laws said, with another

smug smile.

"HA HA HA!" Spade forced. "Good one, sir!"

"Thank you, we'll be leaving now." They left (duh).

Sycophant… 

"OOOH! You're vocabulary's gotten so much better, Zoro!" Nami said,

surprised.

"Vacu… what?" asked Zoro, confused.

"Nothing…"

Lotipac Hill Courthouse. 8/01. 10:30 AM.

BANG BANG BANG! The judge's gavel rang through the courthouse.

"The trial of Mr. Nathan Amarillo will now come to order!"

"The prosecution is ready, your honor!" blurted Zoro, hoping to impress.

**OBJECTION!**

"Mr. Zolo!" taunted Laws. "_I'm_ the prosecution, not you!"

"Objection sustained" the judge nodded.

Crap… not a good first impression… 

"Will the prosecution make its opening statement?" prompted the judge.

Laws' voice rang through the courtroom. "At midnight on the 31st, Mercutio Cervantes was stabbed to death in his home. The only man on the premises at the time was the defendant. Upon further examination of the crime scene, decisive evidence was found that tied the already-obviously-guilty man to the murder." Laws paused, shaking his head in disbelief. "Why bother even having a trial, your honor?"

"It does seem like a very open and shut case, yes. Your evidence, Mr. Laws?"

"The prosecution calls Detective Tracy Spade to the stand, he will present the

necessary evidence, your honor."

"Very well, Mr. Spade! To the stand!"

Detective Spade hurried up to the stand, and stood quickly to attention. "YES

SIR!" he shouted.

"Mr. Spade, your testimony please."

"YES SIR!"

"We received a call, oh, a little after midnight, we rushed to the scene

immediately!"

"We immediately arrested the only person at the scene, Mr. Amarillo!

"Upon further investigation, we found that the knife sticking out of the victim belonged to the defendant. The autopsy report confirmed that the victim had died from being stabbed by the knife."

"There's no other way, it had to be Mr. Amarillo!"

"Very well, Mr. Spade. The report and the knife are accepted into evidence."

Autopsy report: M. Cervantes died from several stab wounds, one in the head, one near the right arm, one by the right thigh, one below the stomach. All wounds were administered within the same minute.

Amarillo's Knife: A ten-inch buck knife. Covered in M. Cervantes' blood most of the way up the blade. Bears Nathan's fingerprints.

"Well then, that's convenient." Remarked the judge. "I see no room for doubt…"

**OBJECTION!**

"Your honor!" yelled Zoro "What about my right to cross-dress the witness!?!?!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?" yelled Detective spade.

"CROSS EXAMINE, YOU NIMROD!" screamed Nami. "CROSS

EXAMINE!!!"

"Erm… Yes, that's what I meant, your honor." Zoro stuttered.

The judge sighed. "Very well, Mr. Zolo. But this better not be a waste of time."

"Yes… thank you, your honor." Zoro left his seat, and began pacing in front of the judges bench. "Mr. Spade… are you absolutely sure that Mr. Amarillo was alone in the house at the time?"

"Yup" the detective replied, "We did a full search of the entire house. No one

else was there, not even a mouse!"

**OBJECTION!**

"MR. SPADE!" yelled Laws. "You will refrain from idle joking on the stand!"

"Yes sir..."

"When would you say you arrived at the house?" queried Zoro.

"Around 12: 15, I'd say. There wouldn't have been much time to mess with the

scene, if that's what you're driving at."

"And you said that report _absolutely confirmed_ that the stab wounds were

inflicted by the knife?"

"Yes sir."

**OBJECTION!**

"Mr. Spade" began Zoro.

"NOWHERE ON THIS REPORT DOES IT SAY THAT!!!"

BANG BANG

"The defense will refrain from wanton yelling!" the judge declared.

"But… I like yelling…" objected Zoro.

"Mr. Zolo..."

"Ok, fine. But still! This report does not say anything like that!" He smacked his

desk. "Ergo!"

"THIS KNIFE…IS NOT DECISIVE EVIDENCE!!!"

**OBJECTION!**

"MR. ZOLO!" yelled Laws. "THE KNIFE WAS FOUND STICKING OUT OF

THE VICTIM'S BODY! IT _HAD_ TO BE THE MURDER WEAPON!"

**OBJECTION!**

"NOT SO!" snapped Zoro. "IT COULD HAVE BEEN PLACED _AFTER_ THE

KILLING OCCURRED!"

The crowd murmured.

BANG BANG!

"ORDER, ORDER!" yelled the judge. "Mr. Laws, do you have proof that the

knife was the murder weapon?"

"Actually, I do your honor" laws said, nonchalantly.

"WHAAAAAAAT?" yelled Zoro.

"You see… there was a _witness_ to this crime. A WITNESS WHO SAW THE

VERY MOMENT OF THE MURDER!!!"

The court became agitated.

BANG BANG BANG!!! "ORDER! ORDER!!"

_Double Crap! I forgot about the witness!_

"Mr. Laws!" cried the judge. "Bring in this witness, now!"

"Yes, your honor. The prosecution calls Ms. Lily Flowers to the stand!"

The woman who took the stand next was a petite one. In her mid-twenties, with

long, flowing hair died purple.

_Doesn't _anyone_ in this courtroom have normal-colored hair?_

"Well the judge has white hair," muttered Nami.

"He has a white _afro_ though, so no. And stop with the whole mind-reading

thing."

"Witness" Laws said. "Please state your name and occupation."

"OMG!" cooed Lily "You're like, such a hottie Mr. Prosecutor!"

Laws blushed. "Um….well….name? please?"

The witness would not be distracted. "Oh, what with your crimson robes and

those leather pants, your like, on fire baby!"

"Name…."

"And you!" She said, turning to Zoro. "You look like an adorable little clown in

that outfit! Can I squeeze your… nose please?" She batted her eyelashes at Zoro.

_Urk! Too…cutsie… must… run…_

The fact that Ms. Flowers was now fawning on Zoro apparently did not sit well

with him (A/N: Woorrrrdy). He slammed his desk. "NAME! OCCUPATION! NOW!"

"Oh…: Lily cooed, her lip trembling. "Have I been a bad girl? I'm sorry, I'll be good." She straightened herself up. "Name: Lily Flowers. Occupation: Florist. Now: Um… it's like 10:45, right?"

The judge nodded. "Yes, indeed, it is 10:45."

_Wow… thanks for verifying your honor._

Nami smacked Zoro. "Be respectful!"

"They're my thoughts! MY THOUGHTS!"

"Ms. Flowers" the prosecutor started "Could you describe what you witnessed

for the court?"

"Anything for you, cutie."

"Lets see… it was around midnight, and I was just about to go to bed…"

"I glanced out the window, and then…like, I saw it, the stabbing!"

"And the weapon… was a knife! That knife!"

_That's it?_

"That's it?!?" mused Nami.

"You think I should say something?" asked Zoro.

"Worth a shot."

**HOLD IT!**

"Your honor…" Zoro began "Doesn't this testimony seem a bit… vague?"

**OBJECTION!**

"Whether or not this testimony is vague, it shows one thing."

"THE KNIFE WAS, INDEED, THE MURDER WEAPON!"

Court goes through bustle and hustle.

"Mr. Zolo." The judge said sternly "you may 'cross-dress' the witness now."

Zoro sweat dropped. "Thank you, your honor…"

"Ms. Flowers… isn't it kind of dark around midnight?"

"Yeah… so?"

"How did you see a knife from across the street?"

"My light was on… their light was on… it wasn't hard, my windows on the same

floor as theirs and everything."

"Right, the window…erm… why did you look out the window?"

"Hm?"

"Well, if you were going to bed…"

**OBJECTION!**

"Why the witness looked out the window is irrelevant to this case!" objected Laws.

**OBJECTION!**

"IT IS VERY RELEVANT YOUR HONOR!!" Zoro shot back.

The judge was impressed. "Yes…well, continue Mr. Zolo."

"It's relevant?" Nami whispered.

"Well… maybe not… I just got fed up with Laws yelling objection so…"

Nami sweat dropped. "Why Zoro? Why?"

"ANYWAY!" Zoro continued. "Why did you look out the window Ms.

Flowers?"

"Well, I saw the two people… struggling."

"You saw them… struggling…y'know, fighting. The victim didn't want to be

stabbed after all…"

_Well that seems reason… _Zoro gasped.

**OBJECTION!**

"Ms. Flowers!" Zoro said, frantically "Could you say that again?"

"The victim didn't want to be stabbed?"

"No! _Before _that!"

"I saw the two men fighting?"

"THERE!" Zoro placed his hands on his hips, triumphantly.

Mr. Laws stared.

Nami stared.

The audience stared.

The judge broke the silence. "Erm… Mr. Zolo?"

"Yes, your honor?"

"Um… what's your point?"

"……..OH!" Zoro jumped. "I didn't present evidence, did I?"

"No… you didn't."

"RIGHT! Here's my evidence!" He held up the toxicology report. "This report from the police department says that, at the time of the murder, Mr. Cervantes was drugged with 'abnormally strong narcotic sedatives, causing a retardation in the nervous, muscular, and endocrine systems." Zoro slammed the desk for evidence. "The victim was sedated at the time of the murder, your honor!"

"HE COULDN'T HAVE PUT UP A FIGHT!!"

"WHAT?" yelled Flowers.

"MS. FLOWERS!" demanded Zoro. "The court would like to hear an _accurate_ testimony!"

"Ms. Flowers" said Laws "if you could revise your testimony to appease this idiot, I, personally, would be truly grateful."

"Revise…?" Lily flicked her hair out of her eyes. "I have no need to revise my testimony, I know what I saw!"

"The two of them fought, or at least, it looked like a fight…"

"Then, that man stabbed Cervantes in the back! Just like the traitor he is!"

**OBJECTION!**

"Ms. Flowers!" Zoro yelled. "Do you mean that literally or metaphorically?"

"What?'

"About my client stabbing Cervantes in the back!"

"OF COURSE I MEAN IT LITERALLY!!" pouted Flowers. "HE STUCK THAT KNIFE IN THE VICTIMS BACK!"

"IMPOSSIBLE!!!! Snapped Zoro. He held up the autopsy report. "This report lists several stab wounds… HOWEVER!"

"NONE OF THEM WERE INFLICTED TO MR. CERVANTES' BACK!!!!"

The court was unsettled.

"BANG BANG BANG!!" "ORDER, ORDER!! I WILL HAVE ORDER IMMEDIATELY!!" screamed the judge.

"Wait…several stab wounds?" asked Flowers.

"Hm? What is it, witness?" asked Zoro.

Flowers smiled. "You've got your facts wrong, Mr. Attorney. The victim was only stabbed _once!_"

Laws reeled back. "WHAAAAAAAAAT??"

"Your honor!" yelled Zoro. "It is clear to me that this witness did not actually see the crime!"

**OBJECTION!**

"That is not what it means!" Laws countered. "It only means that she only saw the _first_ stab!"

**OBJECTION!**

"But the witness has stated that the victim was stabbed in the back! A CLEAR CONTRADICTION!" Zoro snapped.

**OBJECTION!**

"The witness is confused your honor!!!" Laws offered.

**OBJECTION!**

"I'M NOT CONFUSED YOU MEANY!!!!" Flowers yelled. "I CLEARLY SAW AMARILLO STAB THE VICTIM!!!!! IN THE BACK!!! WITH THAT KNIFE!!!! ONCE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!" She pulled at her hair, her face taut with rage and stress.

BANG BANG BANG!! "ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER!!!!! Screamed the judge. "Mr. Zolo, your thoughts?"

"She's lying!" whispered Nami. "She just wants to be a witness, she didn't see a thing!"

"I don't know about that…"

"What? What do you mean? Say that, then the trial's over!"

"But… that's not what happened…"

"Your honor" Zoro declared, "There is too much wrong with this witnesses' testimony to be a simple mistake! I can only come to one conclusion…"

"THE WITNESS WITNESSED A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MURDER!!!!"

The courtroom went into a riot.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!!!!!!! "ORDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT ORDER NOW!!!!!!!"

**OBJECTION!**

"MR. ZOLO!" Screamed Laws. "HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE WITNESSES' STATEMENT THEN? SHE SAYS SHE _CLEARLY SAW_ MR. AMARILLO!!" Laws shook his head, and then wagged his finger at Zoro. "The only thing you've proven is that Mr. Amarillo…"

"IS GUILTY OF A _DOUBLE_ MURDER!!!!!!"

The crowd was out of control.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The judge bellowed. The echo rang through the courtroom. Silence fell on the room immediately.

_Wow… that's some voice!_

"Mr. Zolo?" asked the judge. "Do you have an objection?"

"Of course, your honor!" laughed Zoro.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY!!!?" Nami whispered loudly.

"It's so obvious… I can't believe I didn't notice it before…"

"Well?" the judge asked hurriedly. "Spit it out!"

"**The window**" Zoro stated simply.

"… What about the window?" The judge asked, confused.

"The window that the murder occurred in front of…"

"IT'S MADE OF FROSTED GLASS!!!!!!!!"

Lily Flowers jumped. "WHAAAAAAAT?"

"Ms. Flowers, I think you've been the victim of a cruel memory trick." Zoro explained. "The window that you observed the murder through is made of frosted glass! Everything seen through it would have been distorted!"

"THERE IS NO WAY YOU COULD HAVE _CLEARLY SEEN_ ANYBODY!!!!"

"What? No way! I… I SAW IT!!!!!!!!"

"Here's what I believed happened, Ms. Flowers. You saw a different murder take place in the kitchen that day! Then, when the police arrived and informed you about the case, your mind filled in the missing gaps, and gave you the impression that you saw Mr. Amarillo! But in actuality…"

"YOU COULD NOT HAVE KNOWN WHO IT WAS AT THE TIME!!!!"

"No…."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lily started to cry. "I…. I'm sorry, really, I am…"

"It's alright Ms. Flowers," offered Laws. "Memory is a tricky thing… it's easy to see how you could have been fooled."

"Yes…" Flowers said, wiping her eyes. Then she perked up. "You really are a sweetie, huh Mr. Prosecutor?"

"Aha…" laughed Laws. "I suppose so…"

"Can I go home now?"

"Of course… go right ahead."

"Thanks, sweetie!" she smiled, winking at Laws.

The courtroom grew excited.

BANG BANG! "Why…WHY DO I NEED TO CALL ORDER WHEN A WITNESS WINKS?" The judge was flabbergasted.

"Right…" the judge started, after the room had calmed down. "Where does this leave us?"

Laws summarized the proceedings. "Mr. Zolo has proven to this court that the witness did not clearly see the stabbing, thus casting suspicion as to whether the knife was the murder weapon or not."

_Oh yeah baby! Reasonable doubt cometh!_

"However…" Laws smirked "there is still no room for doubt in this case!!!"

**OBJECTION!**

**"WHAT???"** Zoro yelled. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN???"

"May I remind the court, Mr. Amarillo was the ONLY PERSON near the scene of the crime! Considering the speed at which the police arrived on the scene…" Laws laughed. "There is no other alternative, your honor!"

"Yes… very true. As you said earlier, there is no room for doubt."

_What the… no! I didn't prove all that just to lose!_

**OBJECTION!**

"Your honor."

"Yes, Mr. Zolo?"

"Mr. Laws' summary, however succinct, has left out one important detail! While it is true I have cast doubt on the murder weapon's identity…"

"I HAVE ALSO PROVEN THAT AT LEAST _ONE OTHER PERSON_ WAS AT THE SCENE THAT DAY!"

**OBJECTION!**

"And who is that?!" demanded Laws.

"THE VICTIM OF THE SECOND MURDER, OF COURSE!!!!" Zoro shouted.

Uproar, uproar, uproar.

"ORDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The judge screamed. "Mr. Zolo, what are you driving at?"

"Your honor! We have proven today that _two_ murders occurred on that night! HOWEVER! Only _one_ body has been found!" Zoro stomped on the ground. "ERGO! Is the police search of the premises missed a dead body…"

"IT IS VERY PLAUSIBLE THAT THEY MISSED A LIVE ONE AS WELL!!!!!!"

**OBJECTION!**

"Your honor!" interrupted Laws. "I…. I OBJECT!!!"

His honor shook his head. "Overruled, Mr. Laws. This… is serious." The judge cleared his throat. "Some interesting questions have been raised in this case. How thorough was the police search? Where, and is there a second body? Were other people on the scene at the time of the murder? These questions must be answered before this trial can continue! This court is adjourned… to reconvene tomorrow at 10:30 am! That is all!"

BANG!

Lotipac Hill Courthouse, Defendant's lobby. 8/01. 11:52 am.

"Mr. Zolo!" Amarillo exclaimed, tears in his eyes. "That… that was… MAGNIFICENT!!"

"Don't rejoice yet, pal." remarked Nami. "You're not off the hook yet, the evidence is…well, it's still kind of overwhelming… and I bet Mr. Laws has even more up his sleeve that he didn't pull today."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Reno," Zoro grumbled. "Mr. Amarillo… I have to ask… where were the other brothers on that night?"

"I TOLD YOU!!" Amarillo yelled. "NEITHER OF THEM WOULD HAVE DONE IT! IT'S… IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!"

"Mr. Amarillo, I understand how you feel but… I need to know."

"No… they didn't…"

"We're not saying they did." Nami said. "But we've learned that _two _people died that night! If you don't know where they were, then there's a possibility it might have been another one of your masters!"

Nathan reeled in shock. "NO! Not… not another one…"

"Mr. Amarillo," Nami prodded softly. "Please…"

Nathan looked down. "I… I don't know… Mr. Dante said that he and Mr. Benvolio would be out for a while… but they never said where…"

"And that was around what time?"

"About 11:30 I suppose… but…" he straightened up "You must believe me! Neither of them would ever…"

"I understand Mr. Amarillo" Zoro said. "We'll see what we can do."

_It's not just empty words either… I really do know what it's like to truly believe in another person… to deny the fact they might be evil… I know it all too well… Aw, Crap taking a nap! I told myself I'd stop having corny inner monologues!_

"Everyone does, pal" reassured Nami, "just embrace it."

End of chapter four. The plot thickens.


	5. An airhead, a quickie, and a belabor

Disclaimer:

Amaxing Fan Fiction Inc. 1/24/08. 7:22 PM.

"I GOT THE POWER!!!"

"I GOT THE POWER!!!"

Nathan Amarillo, the AFFI janitor, pushed his mop through the halls, singing an easily recognizable song at the top of his lungs. He had done the impossible. He had gotten himself inserted in a fanfic.

Naturally, the first thing to do was to gloat to the disclaimer writer, Skyler. Skyler was expecting it.

"Let me guess… you're here to gloat right?" the blue-haired boy asked.

"Damn straight!" replied the yellow-haired man "I've done what you've wanted to do for your _entire life_! What do you have to say about that?"

"You're thirty-five years old and you're an imaginary janitor. Enough said."

Nathan's smile slowly turned into a frown. "Well…. Erm…" he stuttered. "I'm going to get you," he whispered hastily, and quickly ran off.

"Ouch" said Zuko Zuko, AFFI's spokesperson (who was in the room the entire time), "don't you think that was kind of harsh?"

"Please, it's not like he's going to go on a vendetta and torture the living crap out of me for seven years. What kind of place do you think this is?"

"Erm…."

(Zuko mimes drumming)

_None of this story do I own…_

_No I know_

_It's just a… _

_fan fiction._

_(Weeeoooooweeeoooo)_

_It's just a fan fiction._

Skyler just stared. "You… wrote a disclaimer using the theme song from Scrubs?"

"Well… maybe… was it good?"

"No."

"But…"

"NO."

"oh…"

Thousand Suns. 10/1. 12:15 pm.

Zoro collapsed on the deck, ready to assume his usual napping position. It had been a _long_ day.

_Damn, it's been a _long_ day._

See?

SMACK!

"OW!" cried Zoro.

"ZORO!!!" yelled Nami. "THIS IS NO TIME TO ASSUME YOUR USUAL NAPPING POSITION, WE HAVE MORE INVESTIGATING TO DO!!"

"Five minutes… just give me five minutes…. My eyes…."

"NO!" yelled Nami. "THERE'S _A LIFE_ ON THE LINE HERE, SO GET UP… NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Why…. Why couldn't _Chopper_ be my counterpart… or Usopp… someone I could boss around…"

Flowers' Flowers. 10/1. 12:30 pm.

"She's not under police protection anymore…" mused Zoro. "Does that mean we can just barge in and interrogate her?"

"I still don't see why you think she has anything else to offer on this case…" Nami insinuated "her testimony was _loaded_ with holes, remember?"

"Ah…yes…but…um… well…"

"Aw… like, let up on him carrot top... there's, like, nothing wrong with him just visiting me to, like, keep me company, y'know?" came a voice from the shop.

Lily Flowers appeared at the door, dressed in purple gardener's clothes, covered by a green apron.

"NOT!!" she yelled suddenly, causing both Zoro and Nami to jump. "STUPID MARIMO!!"

"Marimo…"

"That's right!" Flowers pouted. "That nice chef man was just over here. He told me that 'if that shitty-swordsman bothers me anymore, I should just go to him and he'd kick the crap out of him'."

_Mental note. Thank Sanji for making my job easier._

"_So_ Gorgon" Nami eyed suspiciously "tell me, exactly why _are_ we here?"

Zoro started to sweat. "Well…erm…" _Think, think, _think!!!_…BRAIN BLAST!_

"You remember how Nathan said the brothers left at around 11:30?"

"Well, yes…" Nami admitted.

"Ms. Flowers, do you know whether that's true or not?"

"Wha…" Ms. Flowers flinched "WHY WOULD I KNOW??? WHAT, DO YOU THINK I'M SOME KIND OF NOSEY NEIGHBOR OR SOMETHING? I DON'T JUST LOOK OUT WINDOWS FOR THE HECK OF IT YOU KNOW!!!"

"Then why do you look out windows?" Nami asked slyly.

"I do it because I'm concerned about my neigh… ACK! CLEVER WITCH-WOMAN!"

Silence.

_Hmm… apparently Sanji doesn't object to women calling Nami a witch?_

"ANYWAY, Ms. Flowers" interrupted Zoro. "It would be very helpful if you saw anything."

"Well…" Lily paused. "11:30… OH! I was, like, out in the garden at 11:30! And… no, I don't think anyone came out of the house."

"WHAAAAAAT?" yelled Nami. "REALLY? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT IN COURT?"

"Well, like, that cute prosecutor told me not to tell unless I was, like, 'specifically asked', y'know?"

_Damn corrupt Laws!_

"How long were you in the garden?" asked Zoro quickly.

"Let's see… I was there from maybe… 11:20 'til… like, 11:45, around that, I think."

"Would you mind testifying in court tomorrow about that?" Nami asked hopefully.

"I VERY MUCH WOULD!" yelled Flowers. "That was, like, the first time… I've ever cried in front of a man… that Gorgon's eyes…" she nodded towards Zoro. "It's like, like, like they turned me to stone, y'know?"

"I understand," nodded Nami. "He is a pretty cruel-hearted person."

_And damn proud too!_

"Maybe you could, like, give us, like, a written statement swearing you didn't see anyone come out of the house, y'know?" asked Zoro. Then he gasped.

_Crap! It's contagious!_

"Well…" Lily looked around "As long as you don't tell that cutie-pie cook… I suppose I can, like, write something like that… hang on a minute, 'kay?"

"'KAY!" said Zoro, enthusiastically.

"Zoro…" Nami whispered. "We need to talk about that language you're using…"

"Like, um…what are you, like, talking about?" asked Zoro.

SLAP!

"Okay… okay… I get it…"

Cervantes Manor. 8/1. 12:45 pm.

"There's still a lot of policemen here," noted Nami.

"They're probably searching frantically for that second body" asserted Zoro.

"Sorry, bub, no such luck there."

"Detective Spade!" greeted Nami.

"What do you mean, 'no such luck'"?

"Well… apparently they're scratching everything the witness said from the record, so they're not taking the second body thing seriously anymore."

"WHAT?" yelled Zoro. "BUT THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT GOT ME OFF TODAY!"

"Yeah, I know bub… sorry about that…"

"Yeah…." sighed Nami.

"But, if it's any consolation… I believe you Mr. Zolo!"

"Wha… you do?"

"Mhm! I've got something for you too…" Spade handed Zoro a piece of paper.

"Umm… thank you?"

"You'd better be, bub! That's the autopsy report!"

"Huh? But we already have that!" exclaimed Nami, confused.

"Yeah… but you see… this part… Mr. Laws didn't present it in court for some reason…"

"WHAT?" yelled the two Straw Hats.

Autopsy Report, part two: All wounds found on M. Cervantes' body were the same size and shape. The wounds were approximately a foot deep.

"Well… that's…helpful," said Zoro warily.

"Well, I figured it should be!" smiled Spade "Mr. Laws never withholds evidence without a good reason!" He left.

"WAIT! DETECTIVE SPADE! WHAT ABOUT…. He's gone," sighed Nami.

"Well… I suppose we could sneak inside the house and look around," suggested Zoro.

"You're grasping now, aren't you?" asked Nami,

"Everyday." Zoro replied.

Cervantes Manor: Study. 8/1. 1:00 pm.

In a mansion this huge, you know the study was huge. Red carpeting covered the acres of flooring. Bookshelves, teeming with all kinds of novels, journals, and periodicals lined the walls. An enormous and decorative chandelier hung from the ceiling, and red leather chairs were arranged around what would have been a roaring fireplace, if a fire had been lit.

"It's everything I imagined it would be," said Nami, teary-eyed.

"Congratulations, they have a big library/study thing. Can we leave now?"

"Oh! What's this, visitors"? came a voice from behind.

Nami and Zoro turned around to see an old, balding gentleman, dressed in stereotypical butler's clothes, and holding a small silver tray.

"Why Hello!" said the man enthusiastically. "Welcome to Cervantes' Manor! The masters are currently… indisposed… at the moment, but please, make yourselves at home! I am Geoffrey, and my sole purpose is to make your stay more comfortable! They say that no one will give you happiness on a silver platter…" he held out his gleaming tray "but I'll do my best! I recall this one time when…"

_Must… say something… to stop… chattering!_

"Erm… hello… who are you, again?" asked Zoro quickly.

"Why, I'm Geoffrey Belabor! And before you ask, no, I don't."

"Don't what?"

"Why, belabor, of course! You know, talk on and on and on as if there were no tomorrow? I simply can't _stand_ people like that, they get on my last nerve, I tell you. Always harping on every single detail, constantly trying to explain themselves, it's maddening, honestly! Truly sickening! The way they talk on and on…"

"Erm… yes…" Nami quickly interrupted "I hate that kind of person too…"

"So tell me, sir, gentlewoman, what brings you to this fine place, established over 12 years ago by the great three Cervantes brothers, who, by the way, are geniuses. Why, that Dante…"

"We're investigating the murder!" Zoro blurted out. _That ought to shut him up…_

"Oh… you are investigators?" The man was silent for a minute. "Fantabulous! You are no doubt investigating into who truly killed Mr. Mercutio, no? I don't believe for a minute that Nathan did it, no matter how much evidence there is! Mr. Amarillo loved the three of them, why Mr. Dante even made him that knife that he's always carrying around! Of course, they did take him in when he was a poor, starving orphan, so I assume part of his undying loyalty is because of that debt. Why I recall the day as if it were yesterday! It was 3:00 in the morning and I had just finished wiping down the cutlery when…"

"Details about that night! Please!" Zoro yelled.

"Yes that night… well, it is as the police have said, Nathan was the only one in the house besides Mr. Mercutio. Dante and Benvolio had gone to some sort of party, and all the other servants had retired to the lodging houses. Nathan was originally going to go with us, but Mr. Mercutio sent a message out to him, he wanted to talk to him or something. Anyway, around 11:45, Mr. Cervantes came out to the servant's quarters. He'd forgotten his hat! How silly of him!"

"Wait, who was that then?" asked Nami.

"Why, Mr. Dante, of course! His hat had ended up in the lodging house, and he needed it to go to the party! Oh, that Mr. Dante is a genius really! He handcrafted that chandelier for Mr. Benvolio, you know! Mr. Benvolio has always loved medieval weaponry and such, and that chandelier just echoes that, what with all those blades hanging on it! And that suit of armor too! Well, all right, Mr. Dante didn't _make_ that, but he sure spent major berries on it! And it's authentic too, it's really from that time of knights and kings and such! Oh, those were the good old days, I seem to recall a time when men were men and women were women and…"

"Could you tell us something _useful_ about that day please?" asked Nami.

"WELL! I NEVER! Here I am, spouting out all this information that will no doubt help you, and there you go writing me off as useless! Well I may be old, but I'm not so senile that I can't take a hint! Youth these days! Never respecting their elders! I swear, it's enough to make me give up butlery and go see if I can get rid of that stench that's stinking up the servants' quarters! Now, normally, I wouldn't stoop to such menial tasks as cleaning, but this! This is an outrage! And to think, I treated you as respected guests! There was a time once when older people were regarded as _gods_ you know! I recall it as if it were yesterday…"

"Hey Zoro" Nami whispered "Why don't we check out the servant's quarters while this guy's babbling?"

"Good idea… I'm not sure I can stand any more harping, repetitive dialogue."

"Yeah, I don't think I can stand any more repetitive dialogue either."

"Nope, repetitive dialogue is the worst kind."

Cervantes Manor: Servants' Quarters. 8/1. 1:30 pm.

The servant's quarters were impressive. Two stories high with a wine cellar, ornately decorated in the same colors as the main house… in fact, the quarters were like a miniature of the actual mansion… a hundred-acre miniature, that is.

"There's a wine cellar?" asked Zoro excitedly.

"Zoro! We're on a case! Don't you dare!"

But Zoro was already gone.

The wine cellar was just that, a cellar filled with barrels of wine. There was red wine, white wine, blush, all from different islands, different years. It was enough to make a true alcohol-lover die happy.

_It's enough to make me die happy…_

See? Of course, there's always something that brings the mood down…

"URK!" cried Zoro. "What's that smell?"

"Um… wine? Possibly?" offered Nami.

"No… it's not wine…" Zoro's nose went into the air. He followed the non-alcoholic scent, finally coming to an enormous wine cask reading '66 Amontillado'. He opened the cask, then nodded, full prepared for what had just happened. Nami reeled back in shock.

The second body had been found.

Why? Why didn't the police find the body, you ask? Well, if you ask me, it's a conspiracy. A CONSPIRACY, I TELL YOU! But what would I know, I just write the thing… more than likely the police just hadn't gotten to searching the servant's quarters yet… or it never occurred to them since the murder happened in the main house, and there was only supposed to be one cadaver, after all. Don't question my logic! It's flawless I tell you! Flawless! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Teehee.


	6. It's all over

Disclaimer:

Skyler: All right! AFI's coming at you with the hottest new rocking disclaimers!

(Secretary comes over, whispers in Skyler's ear.)

Oh… AFI's already taken? Then… AF_F_I's coming at you with… ah well, lets do it.

ONE TWO THREE!

ONE PIECE! YEAH, ODA'S MIND

THANKS FOR THE CHARACTERS, EVEN IF I DON'T OWN THEM

DON'T OWN NINTENDO EITHER!

ONE PIECE! YEAH, ODA'S MIND

THANKS FOR THE CHARACTERS, THANKS FOR THE CHARACTERS

THIS. FIC'S. NOT LIKE YOU, AND ITS WEIRDER!

Lotipac Hill Courthouse, Defendant's Lobby. 8/2. 10:00 am.

"It doesn't look good," murmured Spade, his head hung down.

Spade had just entered the defendant's lobby moments ago, and was now telling Zoro, Nami, and Nathan all about the investigation of the second body.

"One single stab, right in the back; just like Ms. Flowers said" he continued "and the wound looks exactly like that of Mercutio Cervantes. Mr. Laws… he'll have a field day with that."

"You just _had_ to make me look MORE guilty, didn't you Mr. Zolo?" asked Nathan in disbelief.

"HEY! I seriously thought I'd find a clue if I found the body, OK?" Zoro replied, defensively. _Nice. I should be able to lie like that _all_ the time._

Nathan hung his head, tears forming in his eyes. "You're right… I'm sorry…"

"Mr. Amarillo…" Nami comforted "it'll be ok, you'll see."

"But…" Nathan sobbed "why… WHY MR. BENVOLIO TOO?"

"I don't know, bub." The detective shook his head. "But you can take comfort in the fact that he died quickly… here, have a look at this."

B. Cervantes' Autopsy Report: Died from single stab directly through the spinal column. Death was near instantaneous. Approximate depth of stab wound: ten inches.

"MR. SPADE!" yelled Nami. "_HOW_ IS THAT SUPPOSED TO COMFORT HIM??"

"Erm… um… sorry, Ms. Tangy… but look! I found this at the scene!"

Scrap of cloth: A black piece of cloth, it appears to have been torn from something. Found clenched in the victim's hand, bears the victim's blood.

Zoro looked from the piece of cloth to Nathan. Then his eyes widened.

"Mr. Amarillo… is that what you were wearing at the time of your arrest?"

"Yes… why?"

Nathan Amarillo was wearing tan dress shoes, loose khaki pants, and a bright yellow, button-down shirt. Over top of this, he wore a black, lightweight jacket.

"Mr. Amarillo… I have to ask… why is their a piece missing from your sleeve?"

"What… WAIT! You can't think…"

"It looks even worse now" mused Nami "please, Mr. Spade, please tell us you didn't show that to prosecutor Laws."

"He has now" came a voice from the doorway. "HA!" Laws burst in, snatching up the cloth from Spade. "Withholding evidence" tutted Laws "that's not going to look good on your yearly evaluation, is it, Mr. Spade?"

"No… sir…" Tracy mumbled. They both marched out of the room, Laws with his head held high, Spade with his head hung low.

"Could this trial get any worse?" asked Zoro.

"It was like that before the murder! Honest!" cried Amarillo "I caught it in a door, and that butler said he would hang on to it for me until he had a chance to sew it!"

"WHAAT?" yelled Nami.

"How clichéd, the butler did it," mused Zoro.

"Ok, seriously Gorgon, can you stop it with the big vocabulary? It's scaring me" eyed Nami.

"I am… disinclined to acquiesce to your request" Zoro smirked "means 'no'."

Lotipac City…

SMACK!

OW! RENO!

Lotipac City Courthouse. 8/2. 10:30 am.

Hustle, bustle, rustle, and muscle.

BANG, BANG!

"The trial of Mr. Nathan Amarillo will now come to order!"

"The _defense_ is ready, your honor" stated Zoro. _Yeah, what now bastard!_

"The prosecution if ready, your honor" Laws replied.

"Very well… Mr. Laws, your opening statement?"

"During yesterday's trial, the defense raised two very important questions." He cleared his throat. "1. Was there a second murder at Cervantes manor that night? And 2. Was anyone else present in the house besides Mr. Amarillo? I regret to inform the court that Mr. Zolo's conjecture was, in fact, _not_ baseless, and that there indeed _was_ a second killing at that house."

Disorder in the court.

BANG BANG! "ORDER IN THE COURT!" yelled the judge. "Mr. Laws, continue."

"Thank you, your honor. Now, as 'revolutionary' as this fact, may be…" he shook his head "it changes nothing! In fact, it is, like I suggested yesterday. The defense has succeeded in proving Mr. Amarillo guilty of a**double murder!**"

**HOLD IT!**

Zoro banged the table for effect. "DO YOU HAVE ANY PROOF THAT MY CLIENT IS INVOLVED IN THIS KILLING?"

"Mr. Zolo" Laws replied coolly "I am a professional. I am not the kind of person to provide hypothetical situations based on minimal evidence."

_Was that a crack?_

"OF COURSE I HAVE PROOF!!!" yelled Laws, snapping Zoro out of his thoughts. "THE PROSECUTION CALLS OFFICER TRACY SPADE TO THE STAND!"

Spade took the stand. (A/N: Ok, it's kind of a lame stand-taking phrase, but it's late! Gimme a break! Ooh, and maybe a Kit Kat too… mmm, Kit Kat.)

"Mr. Spade" snapped Laws, breaking Amaxing out of his author's note "please testify to this court about the proof."

"Yes… sir…"

"We ran in-depth wound analyses of both victim's wounds…"

"The shapes of the wounds highly resemble the shape of the knife blade… they're near identical."

"Also, the victim was found holding a piece of black cloth…"

"Tests showed that the cloth matched up to the defendant's torn jacket!"

-

"The results of the wound analyses, for your honor's perusal" presented Laws.

"Accepted into evidence" nodded the judge.

Wound analyses: The shape of the stab wounds on both M. and B. Cervantes' wounds were near identical to the shape of N. Amarillo's knife blade.

"Mr. Zolo… your cross-examination."

"Um… thank you, your honor." _Cross-examine _what? _What can I get out of that?_

"Erm.. Mr. Spade, you said that the wounds' shapes were _near_ identical to the shape of the blade, correct?"

"Yeah…"

"But if the knife was the murder weapon, wouldn't they be _exact_ matches?"

**OBJECTION!**

"Mr. Zolo…" tutted Laws "In order for them to be exact, the stab would have to be straight in and straight out, with no movement left or right, with no accidental ripping of skin, with no…"

"All right… I get your point, William" sweat dropped Zoro.

**OBJECTION!**

"I'M! JUST! A BILL!" yelled Laws.

"Erm… objection… sustained?" his honor said weakly.

"Um… right… Mr. Spade, you said that you ran tests on the cloth and it matched the victim's coat right?"

"Yeah, it's the truth, bub."

"How did you run the tests if the victim is _still wearing_ that jacket?"

**OBJECTION!**

"The tests were performed while the suspect was in lockdown, even a _child_ would have figured as much Mr. Zolo."

"Right, well then…

**OBJECTION!**

"Your honor, there is no point in proceeding with this cross-examination." Laws slammed his bench. "THERE IS NO ERROR IN THIS WITNESS' TESTIMONY!"

**OBJECTION!**

"But…there has to be… something…" grasped Zoro.

The judge shook his head. "Objection overruled, Mr. Zolo. The witness will step down."

"Yes, your honor" obeyed Spade.

"The prosecution has sufficiently linked the defendant to the murder, your honor" explained the prosecutor "we will now call a witness who will help us to answer the _second_ question 'Was anyone else in the house that night?' By doing this, we will prove, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that Mr. Amarillo is guilty! THE PROSECUTION CALLS ITS NEXT WITNESS!

The witness slowly stepped up to the stand.

"Witness, state your name and occupation."

The witness was silent for a moment. Then he spoke.

"Why hello there Mr. Prosecutor! How are we today? The name's Geoffrey Belabor, and I am the butler at Cervantes Manor. Oh, it's simply dreadful, everything that's happened, don't you agree? First with Mr. Mercutio's death and then Mr. Benvolio's… oh, it's like something out of a horrible, horrible mystery novel, written by some sixteen year old boy in his spare time and influenced heavily buy some lawyer video game, except I don't really know what a video game is or _how_ you could enjoy a video game about being a lawyer or _how_ I even know about video games considering we're in the 13th century and they haven't even been invented yet… though I suppose if this all _were _some crazy mystery novel then it'd perfectly fine for there to be anachronism is it helped move the plot along… but…"

**OBJECTION! (x2)**

"SHUT UP AND TESTIFY ALREADY!!!" screamed both Laws and Zolo.

**OBJECTION!**

"MR. ZOLO! YOU WILL NOT BADGER THE WITNESS!" accused Laws.

_But you just yelled the exact same thing… at the exact same time…_

"Objection sustained" nodded the judge "the defense will refrain from personal attacks on the witness."

_Why... why does nobody love me? _

"I can think of ten good reasons," sounded Sanji's voice from afar.

_Crap! The mind-reading gag is still being used!_

Belabor began his testimony.

"Around 11:00 pm, most of us servants had already retired to the servant's quarters."

"I checked them over myself, the only one left in the house at that time was Paige, a maid."

"She came out around 11:10 and told Amarillo that Mr. Mercutio wanted to see him, so he made off towards the house, and the rest… well, that's horrible, horrible history."

-

"Um…" queried Zoro. "How does this clarify anything? A servant from the quarters could have slipped back into the house… or one of the brothers could have done it…"

"Mr. Zolo, you've been from the house to the Servant's quarters, how long would you say it takes to get there on foot?" asked Laws.

"Erm… well, I guess maybe… twenty minutes?"

"So lets see… Mr. Amarillo walks in the house around 11:30 and has his meeting with Mr. Mercutio. He is angered for some reason, and stabs him, repetitively. He tries to dispose of the body, and runs into Benvolio Cervantes in the kitchen. He then has no choice but to kill him as well. This occurs around midnight, and Ms. Flowers calls the police." He gave an exaggerated bow. "The end."

The judge nodded. "Yes, that does seem quite plausible."

"That's because it's the truth, your honor," replied Laws.

**OBJECTION!**

"But… what about the third brother… Dante… where was he during all this?" asked Zoro.

"Mr. Dante was out at a party that night" Belabor stated "he had left around 11:20, and did not return."

**OBJECTION!**

"BUT WAIT!" yelled Nami. "YOU TOLD US YESTERDAY THAT HE CAME BACK FOR HIS HAT!!!"

BANG BANG!

"Young lady, you will refrain from outbursts like that, understood?" demanded the judge.

"Yes… your honor…" conceded Nami.

"BUT SHE'S RIGHT!" yelled Zoro. "YOU DID SAY THAT YESTERDAY! YOU SAID HE CAME BACK FOR HIS HAT AROUND 11:45!"

"Prove it" said Belabor, succinctly. A rare feat for him.

"Urk… um…"

"Precisely. And there you thought you were all smart for a minute, didn't you? Hmph! Young one's these days, always thinking they can outsmart their elders! Well, when I was a young boy…"

"Your testimony stands" his honor said, not wanting to listen to another long half-page long rant "you may leave Mr. Belabor."

Belabor nodded and lef…"

**OBJECTION!**

"BUT… Wait… the witness has to stay! There must be a contradiction…" stuttered Zoro.

"Well then, Mr. Zolo? WHERE IS IT?" demanded Laws.

"Um…er… erm…" _This testimony is too vague to find a contradiction in! Crap Frappe! Laws! You set this up…!_

"I didn't think so." Laws said, smirking. "The witness will leave."

Belabor nodded, wearing a smirk almost as bad as Laws', and then left.

"Well then…" started the judge. "Mr. Laws, you've done a brilliant job today."

"Not at all, your honor, with truth on my side, nothing can stop me."

_No! Is it, over?_

"I see no reason to prolong this trial, I shall announce my verdict!"

**OBJECTION!**

"But, your honor, my client…he's…"

"Overruled Mr. Zolo. I find the defendant…"

**OBJECTION!**

**  
"OVERRULED MR. ZOLO!"** yelled the judge. "ONE MORE OUTBURST AND YOU WILL BE HELD IN CONTEMPT OF COURT!"

_Damn it! Is it… really over?_

_… What a lousy ending!_

The judge cleared his throat. "I find the defendant, Mr. Nathan Amarillo…"

**GUILTY.**

"The defendant will surrender to the court immediately! This court is adjourned!"

_I knew it… I knew it would end like this…_

_I'm only a swordsman after all but I thought maybe, just maybe…_

_GAH! WHY? WHY ME?_

_IT'S NOT FAIR!_

_SOMEONE! ANYONE! HELP ME!!!!!!!!_

_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!_

The end.

-

Yeah, I'm a realist, what can you do, right? So send me hatemail, see if I care.

-

-

**INJECTION!**

The judge stopped in the middle of getting up from his chair.

Zoro snapped back to reality and looked around, frantically trying to find the source of the voice.

Laws pounded the bench. "NOW WHAT??"

Nami sweat dropped. "As if it couldn't get any worse…"

Monkey D. Luffy slammed the witness chair, screaming at the top of his lungs.

**INJECTION! INJECTION! IN-JEC-TI-ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!?!?" yelled the judge.

"YOUR HONOR!" yelled Luffy. "That testosterone just now… it's… it's not right?"

"What do you mean?" asked the judge.

"Well, something… erm… well, it wasn't right… you see, I was walking by that house the night of the murder and…"

"WHAAAAAAT?" yelled Laws.

"WHAAAAAAT?" yelled Nami.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" yelled Zoro.

_This is my chance!_

"YOUR HONOR!" screamed Zolo, slamming his desk "WE SHOULD HEAR THIS WITNESS TESTIFY!!!"

**OBJECTION!**

"THIS TRIAL IS OVER!" yelled Laws. "THERE IS NO NEED FOR FURTHER TESTIMONY!"

**OBJECTION!**

"YOUR HONOR!" Zoro retaliated "A new witness has emerged! IT IS OUR DUTY TO HEAR HIM, SO AS TO PREVENT AN INNACURATE VERDICT!!!"

"Yeah! What he said!" retorted Luffy.

The courtroom went berserk.

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG….

_The judge's cries would not be heard over the din of the excited onlookers…_

_In desperation, he called a twenty-minute recess._

_Everything hinges on what he decides to do next…_

_The only thing that comforts me is that things can't get any worse…_

_They can't, right?_

To be continued.

Dun, dun DUH! I love cliffhangers… they're so fun! And if anybody seriously felt like closing the window in disgust...

**GOTCHA!**


	7. Madness? No, THIS IS LOTIPAC!

One Piece: Amaxing does not own disclaimer. Wait, scratch that, reverse…

Amaxing: Skyler, we've used that one before…

Skyler: Really? Then what about…

Disclaimer:

ONE TWO THREE FOUR

FANFICTION'S AWESOME!

FANFICTION'S WEIRD!!!

FANFICTION'S AWESOME AND FANFICTION'S WEIRD!!!

AND I DON'T OWN ANYTHING IN THIS STORY…..GRRRRRRRRL!!!!

Skyler: huh?

Amaxing: Used it…

Skyler: grr…..

KAWIETA SEKIBI GA…. AND I DO…NOT OOOOWN ONE PIEEEEEEEEEEECE!

Amaxing: You've lost it, Sky.

Skyler: But… if I can't come up with good disclaimers, I'll never be a main character!

Amaxing: Them's the breaks kid. Them's the breaks.

Lotipac Hill Courthouse, Defendant's lobby. 8/2. 10:45 am.

"ARE YOU SURE WE CAN'T SPEAK WITH THE WITNESS??" screamed

Nami.

"It's the prosecution's job to prepare the witness, bub," Spade said, sullenly. "You'll have to wait until court reconvenes… _if_ it reconvenes…"

"What do you think that man saw?" asked Nathan, hopefully.

_Probably nothing, I'll bet he just wanted to scream 'injection' before the trial was over…_ "I don't know, but I'll bet there'll be something in there that will turn this whole case around!" Zoro lied through his teeth.

"You really think so?" asked Amarillo, his face lighting up with hope.

"Would I say something I didn't mean?" laughed Zoro, shaking his head.

"Last week, you claimed you weren't in love with Robin…" mused Nami.

"WHAT? HEY! THAT'S…."

"Recess is over, time to come back inside!" yelled the bailiff, sounding more like a schoolteacher than a court official.

Here goes everything… 

Lotipac Hill Courthouse. 8/2. 11:00 am.

_What the..?  
_William laws sat hunched over the bench, his eyes wide, his lips quivering.

The judge cleared his throat. "I have decided that, in the interest of justice, we shall hear this new witness speak!"

_Oh… that's why he looks like that, it's his semi-defeated position. Ok, yeah, that's just not normal._

"You have prepared the witness, correct?" the judge continued.

"Y…y…yes… yes your honor." Laws forced out, straightening up. "He will testify now."

Luffy stood at the witness stand, bouncing up and down, clearly elated.

"Witness… state your name."

"MONKEY…"

Zoro slid his finger across his throat, partly to tell Luffy to stop talking, and partly to tell him 'I will kill you if you blow our cover'. Nice guy.

"Um… Chip… Pansy! Chip Pansy!" Luffy nodded. "But everyone calls me Monkey, cause my name sounds like 'chimpanzee'. He poked a finger in his ears and tilted his head. "Right Zoro?"

Zoro sweat dropped. "It's 'Mr. Zolo' if you don't mind, witness."

"I thought that was only in America…"

"Here too."

"Oh, ok then!" He smiled his Monkey D. Luffy Smile™.

Laws scratched his head. "Erm… right. Witness, you claim to have been near Cervantes Manor around the time of the murder?"

"That's that thing… where the one guy killed the other guy, right?"

"_Yes_"

"YEAH! I was there!" Luffy beamed.

Sight…fading…feeling faint… 

"Please tell us about what you saw" the judge demanded.

"ALRIGHT!!!! YOSH!!!"

-

"I woke up at 11:25 for my midnight snack!"

"The butcher was all the way across town… so I decided to run over and wake him up!"

"I passed Cervantes Manor about five or ten minutes after I left the ship!"

"I was gonna go right by it, but then I heard a big THUMP!"

"I thought maybe a giant would come out of the building, so I stood there for like twenty minutes."

"I didn't see anything… so… I went to the butcher's. That's all.

-

Laws shook his head. "Your honor, this witness has the mental capacity of a child!" He said quickly. "I motion that his testimony be struck from the court record, his sentiments are preposterous!"

"Yes, I agree… giants and midnight snacks at 11:25… you're absolutely right Mr. Laws…"

**OBJECTION!**

"Your honor!" yelled Zoro. "THERE IS NO REASON TO DOUBT THIS WITNESS' TESTIMONY!"

**OBJECTION!**

"There are so many reason to doubt it, I don't know where to start!" yelled Laws.

"Try me then" challenged Zoro. "Try to poke a hole in this testimony."

"FINE! The witness stated that he went from the docks to Cervantes Manor in five or ten minutes!" Laws slammed the bench. "That's a distance of a minimum of three miles! THAT IS PREPOSTEROUS!"

**OBJECTION!**

"The defense can provide at least eight witnesses who can confirm that Mr. Pansy can run that far in so little time."

"Well… then, the witness claimed to be waiting for giants! Preposterous!"

**OBJECTION!**

"Whatever the witnessed was waiting for does not change what he saw!"

"AHA! But he claimed to see _no one_! If he was really there and of sound mind…"

"HE WOULD HAVE SEEN MR. DANTE EXIT THE BUILDING!"

**OBJECTION!**

"Not so, Mr. Laws." He held up the affidavit. "I have here an affidavit from that lovely witness yesterday, Ms. Lily Flowers." He read it out loud.

'I swear upon, like, my sacred honor that I was, like, in my garden from before 11:20 'till sometimes near 11:45, y'know? I didn't see anyone come out of that big ol' mansion in that time, kay? Oh, and… stupidbigfatmarimoattorneysayswhat.

Zoro looked at the last word. "What?"

Laws chuckled. "Indeed."

"Erm.. well, ANYWAY! This confirms the fact that no one came out of the house during that time period!" All of a sudden, something in Zoro's mind triggered a flashback.

Flashback

"_Mr. Dante was out at a party that night" Belabor stated "he had left around 11:20, and did not return."_

End of Flashback.

Zoro smacked himself in the head. "ACK! I'M AN IDIOT!"

Laws laughed. "You finally realized, didn't you?" He shook his head. "Verdant lawyers like yourself have no chance going up against me!"

"Verd…"

"I'll tell you what it means later, don't embarrass yourself" whispered Nami.

"ANYWAY!" Zoro yelled. "This witness' statement and this affidavit just reminded me of something… I request that Mr. Belabor be brought back in to testify again!"

**OBJECTION!**

"There's no point to that, your honor!" Laws interrupted quickly.

"Mr. Zolo seems sure of himself, for once." The judge noted. "Objection overruled."

The old butler took the stand again.

"Mr. Belabor" began Zoro "can you testify for us again about Mr. Dante's whereabouts?"

"Why are you going to make me repeat myself, boy? You hard of hearing? Why, when I was your age I could heard a pin drop from FIFTEEN miles away, and then track my way to the point where it was dropped based only on the sound! Those were the good old days when men were actually masculine and women weren't masculine at all and water was actually wet and the sky was actually blue, not like that gray-blue it is nowadays, and…"

"Mr. Belabor" Zoro repeated, surprisingly calm. Your testimony."

"Alright, alright" the old man pouted.

-

"Mr. Dante was out at a party that night" Belabor stated "he had left around 11:20, and did not return."

**OBJECTION!**

"You see where I'm going now, right your honor?" asked Zoro confidently.

"Erm… yes... but, I'm afraid that you should explain it for the court anyway, to make sure we're all on the same page" his honor stuttered.

Zoro sighed. "The witness has just claimed that Mr. Dante left at 11:20! However…

"BOTH MR. PANSY'S TESTIMONY AND MS. FLOWER'S AFFIDAVIT SAY OTHERWISE!"

The court was unsettled for the first time in this chapter.

BANG, BANG, BANG! "ORDER! ORDER! Mr. Belabor! How do you explain this?"

"Um... well…" the butler sweated "I… hm! That _is_ interesting!"… "AH!" he reeled back "I REMEMBER!"

"Then revise your testimony" Laws said.

"Very well then, Billy Boy, very well."

"Erm… it's William."

-

"Well… to tell the truth, I never saw Mr. Dante leave the building."

"However! He told us all very explicitly that he and Mr. Benvolio were leaving at 10:20!"

"Besides, think about it, how could Mr. Dante me the killer?"

"The murder weapon was the knife! And I can assure you that was in Mr. Amarillo's pockets when he went back to the house!"

-

Laws was shaken, but not stirred. "Well… you see your honor? The murder weapon was in the hands of the accused during the time of the killing! I see no room for doubt!"

**OBJECTION!**

_I've… I've got it… I've got it!_

"Your honor" began Zoro "this entire trial has based on a single premise. The premise being that the murder weapon was Mr. Amarillo's knife! However, the defense has reason to believe…"

"THAT SOMETHING ELSE WAS USED AS THE MURDER WEAPON!!"

Hustle bustle, mussel, rustle, Russell, fuss-le.

**OBJECTION!**

"PREPOSTEROUS!" yelled Laws "THE BLADE MARKINGS ARE NEAR IDENTICAL! NOTHING ELSE COULD HAVE BEEN THE MURDER WEAPON!"

**OBJECTION!**

"Remember what Mr. Pansy just testified too!"

Flashback

"_I passed Cervantes Manor about five or ten minutes after I left the ship!"_

"_I was gonna go right by it, but then I heard a big THUMP!"_

End Flashback.

"He heard a THUMP your honor! A THUMP! And it must have been a loud one, it caused him to stop his pursuit of meat!"

"AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING!" supported Luffy.

**OBJECTION!**

"WHAT'S YOUR POINT?!?!?" demanded Laws.

"MY POINT IS SIMPLE!" yelled Zoro. "For a thump to be heard from outside the mansion, it must have been inordinately loud! Also, in order to impale the victim, whatever _fell_ must have been shard as well!"

**OBJECTION!**

"No… you're not saying…"

"BUT I AM LAWS!"

"THE ACTUAL WEAPON THAT KILLED MR. MERCUTIO… WAS THE _**CHANDELIER!!!!!**_"

**OBJECTION!**

"But Mr. ZOLO! You're forgetting one thing!" He held up the wound analyses. "The wound and the knife blade are almost perfectly identical!"

"HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN SOMETHING LIKE THAT AWAY??"

Zoro put his hands on his hips and smiled. "Yesterday, Mr. Belabor told me something very interesting."

Flashback.

_Mr. Amarillo loved the three of them, why Mr. Dante even made him that knife that he's always carrying around! _

_-_

_Oh, that Mr. Dante is a genius really! He handcrafted that chandelier for Mr. Benvolio, you know!_

End Flashback.

"Mr. Dante Cervantes made both the chandelier and the knife!"

"IT IS VERY PLAUSIBLE THAT THEIR BLADES ARE ONE AND THE SAME!!!"

**OBJECTION!**

"EVEN IF THAT'S THE CASE, IT PROVES _NOTHING_!!!" protested Laws. "IT STILL DOES NOT PROVE THAT THE KNIFE WAS _NOT _USE TO KILL MR. MERCUTIO!"

**OBJECTION!**

"You're right" conceded Zoro.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT???" yelled Nami.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT???" yelled the judge.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??" yelled Laws.

"The fact that the chandelier has the same blade as the knife doesn't prove a thing" Zoro continued. "BUT THIS DOES!!!!" He held up part two of the autopsy report. "This is a page from the autopsy report that Mr. Laws _forgot_ to submit to court yesterday. It says very clearly that the wounds were a foot deep!"

"Um… and?" asked the judge.

"THE KNIFE IS ONLY TEN INCHES LONG, YOUR HONOR!"

**OBJECTION!**

"ARE YOU SAYING THAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE A TWELVE INCH CUT WITH A TEN INCH KNIFE? THAT'S JUST STUPID!"

**OBJECTION!**

"I'm not saying that at all William" Zoro retorted "but, if, as you say, the knife made the cut…"

"THERE WOULD BE BLOOD _ALL OVER IT_, AND NOT JUST ON THE TOP OF THE BLADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Courtroom crowd go _crazy!!!!_

BANG, BANG, BANG! "ORDER! ORDER! ORDER!" yelled the judge.

Ten Minutes Later.

"Ahem." The judge cleared his throat. "It appears that the prosecutions attempt to solve the mysteries from yesterday… have been unsuccessful. The chandelier must be tested before the knife can be confirmed as the murder weapon, and Mr. Dante Cervantes must be found and brought before this court to testify on his whereabouts!" He banged his gavel. "This court will reconvene tomorrow at 10:00 am!"

Lotipac Hill Courthouse, Defendant's Lobby. 8/2. 12:12 pm.

"MR. ZOLO!" cried Amarillo. "Please say it isn't true! PLEASE!"

"I'm sorry Nathan… but… it's the only way," said Zoro.

"There's only one thing though," mused Nami.

"Yes, Ms. Tangy?" Nathan asked, hopeful.

"Laws didn't have a chance to bring this up but… that knife was _definitely_ the weapon that killed Mr. Benvolio, so… when did you lose it?"

"Oh…" Nathan looked down. "Um… well…"

"You're protecting him, aren't you?" Zoro accused.

"Well…"

"NATHAN!" yelled Nami. "THE MAN IS A _MURDERER!_ YOU CAN'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"

"I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS HIM, OK?" snapped Nathan. "I just know that… when I entered the house that day… someone knocked me out."

"THAT'S SOMETHING YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME RIGHT OFF THE BAT!!!" yelled Zoro.

"I'm sorry…"

"UGH! WHAT IS _WRONG _WITH PEOPLE!" yelled Zoro; as he stormed off, head down.

"GORGON! WATCH OUT FOR THAT…!

BANG!

"Ooh… door."

_Gor, Gor, Gor, Gorgon Zolo, WATCH OUT FOR THAT DOOR! _

-

So I put in a _George of the Jungle_ reference. Shoot me.


	8. Cornered!

Disclaimer: (thing you see with) (opposite of yes) (cry of pain) N 1 (opposite of war)Amaxing! It also equals 42… but that's the answer to everything.

OOPS, WE MESSED UP: I meant to make a joke about the use of the word 'verdant' last chapter, but I forgot. Since it's been so long, I'll refresh your memory.

-

Zoro smacked himself in the head. "ACK! I'M AN IDIOT!"

Laws laughed. "You finally realized, didn't you?" He shook his head. "Verdant lawyers like yourself have no chance going up against me!"

"Verd…"

"I'll tell you what it means later, don't embarrass yourself" whispered Nami.

-

That's the excerpt. Now for the cool part. 'Verdant' is a word that means both 'inexperienced or lacking in judgement' and 'green in tint or color'. It's the perfect word, don't you think?

And now for our feature presentation.

-

Lotipac City Courthouse, Defendant's Lobby. 8/3. 10:00 am.

"ALRIGHT GORGON!" cheered Nami, using Zoro's alias in front of Amarillo and Spade, "TODAY'S THE DAY! WE CAN DO THIS!"

Zoro did a double take. "Wait, WHAT? "WHAT ABOUT THE INVESTIGATION PHASE??? ARE YOUR SERIOUSLY TELLING ME THAT WE'RE ALREADY ON ANOTHER TRIAL CHAPTER?"

"Well… not much happened yesterday Zoro… so we figured it wasn't worth writing about…"

"Well… um…" Zoro paused. "Come to think of it, what _did_ happen yesterday?"

Nami sighed. "Detective… if you would…"

"Erm… right! Of course! Well yesterday, after the trial, we rounded up Mr. Dante Cervantes! We reached the decision that Mr. Belabor should testify again…"

"Why was that?"

"Because of the material we found, remember? He claims that he never had it."

"And he did!" Nathan interjected. "He told me he'd fix my jacket for me!"

"Right, I remember that…" nodded Zoro.

Spade continued the recap. "We also did testing on the chandelier and found that there was blood on it; and that it _was_ Mr. Mercutio's."

"Hey! So I was right!"

Blood test results: Blood found on the chandelier in Cervantes den matched that of Mercutio Cervantes.

"Oh yeah… and one more thing… we decided to check the fingerprints on Amarillo's knife…"

"Didn't you already do that?" asked Amarillo.

"Well… we kind of assumed that you had to be the one who did it so… it wasn't all that though. As soon as we found a print that matched yours, we stopped."

"Give you real confidence in the police department, doesn't it?" joked Nami.

"And… where was I during all this?" Zoro asked.

"Well… you were sleeping, bub."

"Oh… right. I thought yesterday was unusually peaceful… anything else?"

Nami shifted uncomfortably "Well… I bought a copy of Mr. Dante's book…"

"You… you're kidding me right?"

"BUT! It's so… good… it's all about how he trained himself to be ridiculously strong and fast so he could be a bounty hunter and how he developed his mind to outthink pirates and it's got all these really awesome descriptions of him fighting these really famous pirates and…"

"Reno… I worry about you sometimes…"

"Worry about me, ok?" butted in Amarillo "It's my life on the line in there today."

"I have a feeling all the loose ends will be ties up today, Mr. Amarillo" Zoro declared confidently.

"Really?"

"Well… we can only have so many plot twists, so…"

"Ah, true."

Lotipac City Courthouse. 8/3. 10:30 am.

BANG!

"The trial of Mr. Nathan Amarillo will now come…" the judge paused. "Is it just me, or does it seem kind of soon to be doing this?"

"IT'S JUST YOU, YOUR HONOR" Laws asserted.

**OBJECTION!**

"No… it really does seem early," commented Zoro.

"That was the most pointless use of an objection I've ever seen in my days."

"So's your face."

"Wha… that doesn't make sense!"

"So's your face always makes sense."

"That's just stupid."

"So's your face."

_Damn it _thought Laws.

"Erm… can we get on with the trial now?" asked the judge.

"Certainly, your honor" Laws replied "the court calls Geoffrey Belabor to the stand… again… oy vey."

Geoffrey Belabor hobbled up to the stand.

"Please testify about the piece of cloth found at the scene."

-

"What piece of cloth? I never saw that black piece of cotton in all my life!"

-

_Too easy._

**OBJECTION!**

"If you never saw it… how did you know it was black and made of cotton?"

"URK!"

**OB…** "Well, actually, that's way to obvious to try and poke holes into" conceded Laws.

"Mr. Belabor, an _accurate_ testimony, if you don't mind?" the judge said sternly.

"Right away, your honor" Belabor replied, clearly nervous.

-

"Alright… I'll admit it, Mr. Amarillo tore his jacket before the murder ever happened."

"I held onto it for him, and told him I'd fix it the next day."

"B-but, I never killed either Mr. Mercutio or Mr. Benvolio!"

"The fabric was in my hands the entire time, I never gave it to anyone else!"

-

_Are you kidding me?_

**OBJECTION!**

"MR. BELABOR!" yelled Zoro. "IF THAT'S TRUE, THEN WHY WAS THE FABRIC FOUND IN MR. BENVOLIO'S HAND?"

"URK!" yelled Belabor.

"Mr. Belabor, as it looks now…"

"IT WAS YOU WHO KILLED YOUR MASTERS!"

"Wha… no.. I… never…."

Silence.

"Heh. You got me, boy." Belabor straightened up. "It was me, I killed them. Both of them."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" yelled Laws. "But… that's not… you didn't…"

"I did… I'm guilty."

"Well…that… was fast!" admitted the judge. "I suppose that leaves no room for doubt then! I find the defendant, Mr. Nathan Amarillo…"

NOT GUILTY 

"That is all… this court is adjourned!"

-

Yeah, I got bored so I ended the story. And no, it's not another fake ending; so don't even bother scrolling down.

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

**OBJECTION!**

Laws: Who?

Judge: What?

Belabor: Where?

Amarillo: WHY?

"I OBJECT YOUR HONOR!" yelled Zoro.

Hustle bustle etc.

BANG, BANG, BANG! "ORDER, ORDER! MR. ZOLO! YOU _DO_ REALIZE THAT YOU'RE OBJECTING TO YOUR CLIENT BEING DECLARED INNOCENT YES?"

"Well yeah but… Belabor didn't kill anyone… there are at least ten witnesses who can testify that he was nowhere near the house at the time of the crime!"

Laws gave a blank stare. "How did I _not_ catch that?"

"I don't know Mr. Laws" the judge mused "I don't know…"

Silence.

"So yeah… that kind of killed the momentum huh?" asked Zoro.

"Yeah… yeah it did," admitted Laws.

"I should probably give a guilty verdict then…"

**OBJECTION!**

"BUT THERE'S STILL ANOTHER WITNESS TO HEAR YOU HONOR!" yelled Zoro. "AND THIS WITNESS… THE DEFENSE BELIEVES HE IS THE TRUE KILLER!"

**OBJECTION!**

"MR. DANTE WOULD NEVER KILL HIS BROTHERS!" yelled Belabor. "HE WOULDN'T… HE _DIDN'T!_ IT WAS ME I TELL YOU, MEEEEEEEE!!"

Momentum builds back up as crowd stirs!

BANG, BANG, BANG! "ORDER! OOOOORDEEEER!! Mr. Belabor! That's quite enough! You will step down…"

**OBJECTION!**

"Your honor, I have a suggestion" said Laws. "If Mr. Belabor is so set on naming himself the killer… why don't we have him _prove it?_"

"Oh! That's a good idea Billy-Boy!" cooed Belabor (yes, cooed). "I always knew you were a good boy, ever since the day you were born. I remember there was a big stir in town when your mother came back from an overseas voyage in labor and"

**OBJECTION!**

"MR. BELABOR!" winced Laws "please, stories later!

"Hm? Oh, right, prove that I'm the murderer, got it."

-

"Well, if you think about it, there's no way that I'm _not_ the murderer!"

"Only two people ever held that piece of cloth."

"The first was I, when I picked it up and told Mr. Amarillo that I'd fix his jacket for him."

"The second was Mr. Benvolio, when he grabbed it during our struggle!

"I drugged Mr. Mercutio and placed him under the chandelier."

"Then I pulled the rope, and down it flew! Thump!

"While I was trying to dispose of the body, I ran into Mr. Benvolio."

"I saw Mr. Amarillo's knife sitting on a nearby table, so I grabbed it and stabbed him!"

"I always wear gloves, you see, that's why my fingerprints aren't on the weapon."

-

"That… was rather complete!" said the judge. "If this testimony holds, then the defendant is incontrovertibly innocent! Your cross examination, Mr. Zolo."

Zoro cleared his throat. "Mr. Belabor, you claim that you found the knife 'lying on a table'?"

"Yes!"

"Are you unaware that the knife was STOLEN from Mr. Amarillo when he was attacked on the night of the crime?"

"You've got no proof of that."

_He's right…_

"Right… you said that you were trying to dispose of the body, and then Mr. Benvolio walked in on you?"

"That's right."

"And that was around midnight, when Ms. Flowers saw the two of you meet through the window?"

"Yes."

"And you were… dragging the body or…"

"I had it slung over my shoulder. I could move faster that way."

**OBJECTION!**

_It's about time…_

"Recall Ms. Flowers testimony."

Flashback

"Well, I saw the **two** people… struggling."

End Flashback

"Mr. Belabor, if you were indeed trying to dispose of the body…"

"MS. FLOWERS WOULD HAVE SEEN _THREE_ PEOPLE, NOT TWO!"

"ACK!"

Mumblemuttermmmmmumblemuttermmmmumblemutter.

**OBJECTION!**

"That doesn't meant anything!" yelled Laws. "The body could have been on the floor, or in the other room…"

**OBJECTION!**

"NOT SO! Mr. Belabor claims to have been carrying the body _on his shoulder!_

"THERE'S SO WAY IT COULD NOT BE SEEN!"

BANG, BANG, BANG! "ORDER! Mr. Zoro, what does this mean!?

"I'll tell you what it means, your honor."

"THIS TESTIMONY IS A COMPLETE SHAM, AND MR. BELABOR IS _INNOCENT!_"

"Urk…ugh…" coughed Belabor. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

"Does nothing in this world makes sense anymore?" asked the judge. "The defense has thrown suspicion on the defendant again, the prosecution has been trying to get the defendant declared innocent, and the witness is in despair about not being found guilty! What is _wrong_ with this place?"

"Nothing… And everything…" admitted Laws.

"Mr. Zolo, do you… have a reason for all this?"

"I wish to have Mr. Dante Cervantes take the stand as a witness." Zoro stated. "It has been shown that Mr. Benvolio and Mr. Dante did not leave the house that day. This leaves him as the only other possible suspect."

Very well… this court is in recess until Mr. Cervantes is brought in!"

BANG!

Lotipac City Courthouse, Defendant's Lobby. 8/3. 11:42 pm.

"Why you little whippersnapper!" yelled Belabor, barging into the room. "When'll you learn to respect the wishes of your elders? You're no better than a murderer yourself if you ask me! Why if I were seventy years younger…"

"**I am a killer**," Zoro said coldly. Belabor was frozen by shock. "So tell the whole truth. **Now.**"

Belabor's voice came out in a child-like whimper. "Mr. Dante took the black cloth from me; he said that he wanted to fix Nathan's jacket himself."

(Belabor's testimony added to the Court… oh, right… never mind.)

A bailiff's voice rang through the Lobby. "Mr. Dante has been found! Court will reconvene!"

"Let's finish this."

Lotipac City Courthouse. 8/3. 12:15 pm.

"Mr. Dante Cervantes will take the stand!"

The man who stood at the witness stand had long, pitch-black flowing hair, which contrasted drastically with his pale, gaunt, powder-white face. His muscles were not bulging or showy, but they radiated a strength that almost matched Zoro's. His cold, menacing stare gave the courtroom a silence no judge's gavel could ever hope to achieve. Other descriptions not required.

"Name. Occupation."

"Dante Cervantes. Bounty Hunter."

_What's with the sudden succinctness in here? And why aren't there any labels for who says what?_

SMACK! "Stop breaking the forth wall, Gorgon!"

"MY. FING. THOUGHTS!"

"Erm… yes… Mr. Cervantes, your testimony please, tell us about your whereabouts on the day of the killing."

-

"Mr. Zolo has it right, I did not leave the house that day, although that was my intention."

"I told the servant's that I would leave at 11:20, but I was delayed."

"I was further delayed when I realized I had forgotten my hat, which I went out to the servant's quarters to get at 11:45."

"I takes 20 minutes to walk from the Servant's Quarters to the main house, no?"

"By the time I arrived, I was too late."

"I entered into the kitchen and found my brother's dead body."

-

"Why didn't you report the crime?" asked Laws.

"I was in shock upon finding the body, I honestly lost my senses."

"And where have you been since then?"

"Wandering… as I said, I had lost my senses."

"I can imagine" said the judge. "You must have been very close to you brothers."

"Indeed I was…" began Dante, a tear rolling down his eye.

_That's so fake it's not even funny!_

The audience began to cry.

_Crap! The crowd is full of idiots!_

"Mr. Zolo…" the judges said through tear-stained eyes "your cross examination… but please…(sniff) be gentle…"

Zoro rolled his eyes and sighed. _Why am I the only one with half a brain?_

SMACK!

_Why has this joke not gotten old yet?_

"Mr. Cervantes, you said you left your hat at the Servant's Quarters?"

"Yes, I had gone out there to visit Mr. Belabor the day before, and I must have taken it off and left it there."

"Right… so, you said it takes twenty minutes to go to and from the Servant's Quarters… that means you got to the house around 12:05?"

"Yes."

"So that would mean you claim to have been outside at the time of your brother Benvolio's stabbing?"

"Yes, that's what it means."

"And that's when you walked into the kitchen and saw Mr. Benvolio's body?"

Dante rolled his eyes. "Yes, of course, I saw my brother Benvolio's body! Honestly, how much longer are you…"

**OBJECTION!**

"Mr. Dante… what you just agree to right now was quite… contradictory."

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"You claim to have seen your brother Benvolio's body, but that is _impossible_."

"IT WAS MERCUTIO'S BODY THAT WAS FOUND IN THE KITCHEN!"

**OBJECTION!**

"THAT IS EASILY EXPLAINABLE!" yelled Laws. "THE MR. AMARILLO SIMPLY MOVED THE BODY AFTER IT WAS DISCOVERED!"

**OBJECTION!**

"That's also impossible!" snapped Zoro. "It takes twenty minutes to walk from the main house to the servant's quarters _without_ a body, for a forty minute round trip! If what Mr. Dante says is true…"

"WHEN THE POLICE ARRIVED AT 12:05, THE DEFENDANT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN IN THE HOUSE!"

Laws: ACK!

Mumblemuttermmmmmumblemuttermmmmumblemutter.

BANG, BANG, BANG! "ORDER! ORDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!! Mr. Zolo! Explain yourself, what does this mean?"

"There's only one way that Mr. Dante's statement can be true, your honor."

"MR. DANTE _DID_ SEE HIS BROTHER'S BODY, AFTER HE KILLED HIM!"

Mumblemuttermmmmmumblemuttermmmmumblemutter.

"OH YEAH?" yelled Dante. "You've got _nothing!_ You don't have anything to link me to my brother's death!"

**TAKE THAT!**

"This is a sworn testimony from your butler, Mr. Geoffrey Belabor."

'Mr. Dante took the black cloth from me; he said that he wanted to fix Nathan's jacket himself'.

"Would Mr. Laws please remind the court where that cloth was found?"

"In… the victim's…clenched… hand…" muttered Laws.

Mumblemuttermmmmmumblemuttermmmmumblemutter.

**OBJECTION!**

"BUT!" grasped Laws. "The same logic applies to Mr. Dante! There wasn't enough _time_ for him to commit both murders!"

"Mr. Zolo, I think it would be best if we resolved the time issue now… the readers at home are confused, I'm sure" said the judge.

SMACK!

"OW!"

"STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!" screamed Nami.

"Erm… right… the time issues… well…"

"Answer this first, Zolo," said Laws "_Who_ was stabbed in front of the window that night?"

"Well…." _Click. _"It was Mr. Mercutio, of course."

"WHAT?" yelled Laws. "That… that was the wrong answer."

"No…" Zoro smiled. "It's the only thing that makes sense." He drew himself up to full height. "These are the events that transpired that night at Cervantes manor!"

"First, Mr. Dante drugged Mercutio. When all the servant's had left, he dragged him under the chandelier and killed him!"

"Then, Mr. Amarillo came strolling in, unaware of anything. Mr. Dante quickly knocked him out and stole his knife!"

"Trouble continued to fall on Dante. His brother, who he thought had left, walked in on him! Then he stabbed him with the knife he had just picked up!"

"It then dawned on him just how much trouble he was in, so he decided to set Mr. Amarillo up! He ran Benvolio's body over to the wine cellar, then took Mercutio's body in front of the window in the kitchen and stabbed him with Mr. Amarillo's knife!"

Zoro beamed. That had taken a lot of brainpower. "Head… Hurts… From filling… In… Plot holes…"

"There's not a shred of proof to support any of that" Dante replied coldly. "In fact, there's a _huge_ hole in that statement!"

"What's that?"

"In order for this poppycock to be plausible, I would have had to transport the body to and from the cellar in _mere minutes!_ How do you explain that?

"With this." Zoro held up 'The Demon'. "This book gives, in excruciating detail, an account of how strong and fast you made yourself in order to fight pirates. You even defeated a Yankou with your bare hands, apparently." Zoro slammed his desk.

"IT IS WELL WITHIN YOUR MEANS TO ACCOMPLISH SUCH A TASK!"

Mumblemuttermmmmmumblemuttermmmmumblemutter.

"SILENCE!" yelled Dante. The room fell into a scared hush. "Prove it" hissed Dante. "Prove that I did all this! NOW!"

"It's simple. We'll check that knife for your fingerprints!"

**OBJECTION!**

"Sorry, Zolo, but no fingerprints were found besides Mr. Amarillo's!"

**OBJECTION!**

"That's where you're wrong Laws! A fingerprint test was done only to _confirm_ that Mr. Amarillo had touched the knife! It was not tested for anyone else's prints!'

"WHAAAAAAAAAT?" yelled Laws.

"Remember! Mr. Dante was not _planning_ to use Mr. Amarillo's knife to kill anyone! That means there was nothing to stop his prints from being placed on it!"

" I ASK FOR AN IMMNEDIATE RECESS! IF THE TEST COMES BACK POSTIVE, IT IS DECISIVE EVIDENCE PROVING THIS MAN'S GUILT!"

"Don't bother."

"What?" gasped Laws.

"I don't care" Dante said, staring coldly at Zoro. "I did it. So what? Arrest me then, I dare you."

"WHAAAT? Screamed the judge. BAILIFF! QUICKLY, GRAB THAT MAN!"

"I AM DANTE CERVANTES!" screamed the witness. "WHOEVER OPPOSES ME WILL DIE!!!" He rushed toward the exit.

BOOM!

The explosion knocked Cervantes off his feet. Upon waking up, he found himself unable to move. He was taken to the Lotipac Detention Center, and remains there to this day.

"Where did that come from?" asked the judge, startled.

"I DID IT!" yelled Usopp, who had been watching the trial the whole time "BECAUSE I'M A BRAVE WARRIOR OF THE SEA!!"

_Wait… so _I_ outsmarted the enemy and _Usopp_ took him down? How screwed up is that?_

Usopp smiled. "I got to do something important!"

Lotipac City Courthouse, Defendant's Lobby. 8/3. 2:07 pm.

"CONGRATULATIONS MR. AMARILLO!" yelled Nami.

"Thanks…"

"Aw, c'mon, what's wrong?"

"It's just…" Nathan sniffed "in three days… my three masters… they're all gone! Why… why did this happen?"

"CONGRATULATIONS, BUB!" yelled a familiar, gruff voice.

"Officer Spade!" greeted Zoro.

"Oooh boy" Spade whistled. "You look pretty inconsolable, bub. Maybe this'll cheer you up!" He opened a sheet of paper. "It says here that you get everything."

Silence.

"Umm…." Zoro said "everything… what?"

"All the land, the servants, the money, the estate…. Everything!"

"YOU MEAN HE INHERITS ALL THE CERVANTES ESTATE??" yelled Nami, jaw dropped open.

"Eheh… yeah…"

"Oh, you are getting charged _so_ much it's not even funny" Nami said, not a hint of a joke in her manner."

"Run while you still can!" Zoro whispered.

SMACK!

"OW!"

"TONIGHT WE SHALL FEAST!" screamed Usopp, who had been triumphantly thrown out of the courtroom for carrying a weapon.

"Yeah! That'll get your spirits up! Let's party!" yelled Nami.

"All right!" said Zoro "lets…"

"NONE FOR YOU!" yelled Nami.

"What? Why?"

"_You_ have to go study for our next big case!"

"Wha….?"

"Yeah!" Chimed in Usopp. "I can see it now! 'Gorgon Zolo law offices' it's got a nice ring to it!"

"No… wait…"

"Aw, c'mon! Let him join in the fun!" yelled Spade. "After all, he's paying!"

"True" nodded Nami. "I'd forgotten that."

"No… wait… stop…"

"Well Mr. 'Ace Attorney'?" asked Nathan, smiling for the first time in days "what do you say?"

_What do I say? I'm not a lawyer! I'll never be a lawyer! I'm nothing _like_ a lawyer! No way no way now way…_

Then, in his rage, Zoro blurted out a single word…

-

-

-

-

**OBJECTION!**

END CREDITS!!!! 

Zoro did end up paying for everything. The ship left town the next day. He is still hung over.

Nami 'borrowed' a bunch of legal books from the town library. She is currently intent on turning Zoro into a moneymaking mach… a lawyer.

Chopper enjoyed a brief boost in popularity due to his cameo. He is currently auditioning for a bigger role.

Usopp is currently full of himself. He also thinks that this entire story has been about him.

Sanji is also auditioning for a bigger part. He is also campaigning for Amaxing to 'stop making him out as a stereotypical pervert. Heheh. Making out."

Franky and Brooke did not appreciate the hair joke.

Robin emerged from the town library only to realize she had been left out of the story entirely. She does not care.

Nathan took charge of Cervantes Estates with ease. He is currently a multi-billionaire.

Spade continued on in his job as a homicide detective. He still says 'bub' a lot.

Laws left the prosecutor's office to go on a 'soul-searching' journey. It's a bit clichéd, but it's true.

Belabor left Cervantes estates and sailed off. H9is current whereabouts are unknown.

Amaxing was so depressed by finally finishing his pirate-lawyer fic thingy that he swore never to write another one. It will not be called Gorgon Zolo: Trial by Fire.

End.


End file.
